This Blog Is Full Of Crap

Guy wants a domain added to DNS.

Fine. We ask what IP address they want to point it at.

They respond that they don't know how.

How to... what, exactly?

When I see this kind of shit, I wonder what the hell these people were thinking.

Is it a language barrier? Well, it's going to be really really bad when they actually have a serious problem we need for them to tell us about.

Look, if you don't know what an IP address is or can't communicate effectively over a simple issue, you do not need to be in any online-related business at all.

I don't care if you've got a rack of gold medals from Lake Placid, Nobel Prizes in every room of the house, and enough Pulitzers to melt down and build a second Statue Of Liberty.

This is not your area of expertise. You are in quicksand and sinking fast. You has not the mojo.

Just cancel your account, buy some leashes, and start a dogwalking business.

Someone suggested that I make a post saying that Nardo's dead, post up a memorial, and then wait until the evening to make the April Fool's statement.

Um.... no.

Here's the cat-gym I put together on Sunday night for the goofball:

Notice how Nardo's all over the thing, rolling around and burning off the calories.

How about we get a closeup of that?

Yup. What a trooper!

(lazyass)

Chadley went 1 inning yesterday.

1K, no hits.

WTG, Chadley.

So, um... there's a team in Houston, right? They play baseball?

Offer up your suggestions for Least Valuable Player for Game One in the comments.

No. Really.

Who gives a shit what 50 Cent thinks?

At least he's honest about being ignorant:

"To be honest, I haven't been following that anymore. I lost my interest," he said. "I listened to some of the debate and things that they were saying, and I just got lost in everything that was going on. ... Don't look for my vote, for me to determine nothing on that. Just say, '50 Cent, he don't know, so don't ask Fiddy.'

Of course, MTV asked.

Anything to avoid playing music videos.

Maybe it's because West Coast games start so late, but I'm just not excited about this whole opening series.

Yeah, Backe's looking like he's back to the mediocre pitcher he is. Isn't modern medicine great?

The only run of the season was walked in.

I'm even thinking nice things about Adam Everett's fielding because of Tejada's slower action out there.

After watching Brocail out there, read a piece on Qualls:

If some are worried about the loss of Valverde, however, one baseball official told the Diamondbacks that the trade with the Astros was their most one-sided of the offseason, mainly because of Qualls.

The D-backs insisted that Qualls be included in the deal and would not have made it without him.

Qualls, 6 feet 5 inches tall and 220 pounds, has been one of the most durable and effective setup men since his first full major-league season, 2005.

His 66 holds are fourth in the majors the last three seasons. He has averaged 79 appearances a year during that same span.

Qualls was 6-5 with a 3.05 ERA last season and had the best stretch of his career after July 2, when he was scored upon only four times in his final 39 games.

"He likes to come in with guys on base, and he typically gets starters out of a jam," Diamondbacks manager Bob Melvin said.

"When you come in with a starter's runs on base and get out of it, it's similar to closing. He takes a lot of pride in that."

I guess we'll see if Valverde was worth the price.

So, who was Least Valuable Player last night?

Apparently, Garf's coworkers Walton and Johnson think it's okay to steal the content of bloggers and then refuse to give them credit or proper attribution.

We answer 300 emails per day....sometimes you don’t get to cross all of the T’s and dot all of the I’s.... Sorry I answered this on at all. This kind of rudeness deserves no reply. So don’t bother sending anything back. We don’t plagiarize anything. PS Fuck off.

Let's see if Michael Berry is answering his email. I know for a fact that he recognizes the value of blogging in this stage of media's development and this kind of rude dismissal of its value from his station's talent might come as a shock to him.

Or not. We'll see.

As a blogger, I'd feel very uncomfortable appearing on a radio station that derives revenue from the antics of a pair of "talent" that spits on and steals content from my fellow creative bloggers.

Garf's a great guy, has put a lot of trust in me, and he's helped me believe in myself. I really, really hate the fact that my reluctance to appear on a station that has Walton and Johnson would impact his show, which I feel is a very important resource for the community (especially now that Technolgy Bytes on KPFT is in doubt, Jay Lee mulling an offer in Ireland).

There needs to be more local tech content out there, not less. And I'd like to be a part of it.

I've received an answer on the subject that answers my concerns and I'm mostly satisfied with.

It boils down to the fact that, pretty much, Walton & Johnson are syndicated jerks as opposed to locally-produced jerks.

But at least everyone's been heard, their thoughts have been considered, and if they keep doing this, well, someone's willing to listen.

Hopefully, when Walton & Johnson alienate all their listeners and sponsors, that timeslot can be filled with some good old fashioned locally-produced jerks.

Lord knows, looking around Downtown every day and reading about the idiocy that METRO's pulling on a constant basis, we see and hear enough of them, right?

Better they be behind a microphone than deciding our fates.

Thank you, Michael Berry, for at least taking the time to hear everybody out. And hopefully you won't bar the doors when I ask Garf for the opportunity to calmy bring the subject up on Saturday. (I don't want to have to climb up the outside of the building with suction cups and a glass cutter again)

Yahoo! Sports updated Chadley's photo.

Oh, and he went back out to the mound today...

- C. Qualls relieved D. Haren - A. Dunn struck out looking - E. Encarnacion struck out looking - J. Votto singled to center - P. Bako lined out to left

2Ks and a hit, but no runs.

The guy we traded him for pulled a Lidge and let the 5-5 tie get away from him, but lucked out when Hunter and Berkman brought in 4.

Yeah, he closed it out in the 9th, but it's too early in the season for me to be saying Keeping Qualls as a closer would be better than this. right?

Let's to the math...

Garlic salt + Olive oil + Artichokes
Potatoes + Red Onions + Balsamic + Garlic Seasonings + Olive Oil

Skewered the potatoes and onions, tossed on a grill with just a handful of goals.

Artichokes went on a new grate -catcher the Mrs. picked up yesterday.

It took longer to cook on just a handful of coals, but instead of crisped veggies, they were lightly cooked and quite juicy.

Good stuff. Got to consider doing things like that more often.

I think I need to do corn more often. Haven't had roasted corn in a while.

Apparently, all it takes is a name to piss off the Greeks:

The president expressed regret that NATO also declined to offer full membership at this meeting to Macedonia. The invitation was blocked by Greece, which says the country's name implies a territorial claim to its northern region, also called Macedonia.

"Macedonia's made difficult reforms at home," Bush said. "It is making major contributions to NATO missions abroad. The name issue needs to be resolved quickly so that Macedonia can be welcomed into NATO as soon as possible."

Washington State has the same name as Washington DC, and sometimes it's pretty fucking confusion, but that didn't stop Americans from welcoming the state into the union.

Former Soviet Georgia and the US State of Georgia have the same name. Do you see the Americans blocking them from NATO?

Just drop it, Greece.

The subject line is what I wrote in response to a request by the Chronicle's web producer asking me to join a collective of catblogging that they're putting together.

Apparently, my name keeps coming up in conversations regarding catblogging. So, I suppose that means people will either be coming here for my thoughts on this new venture or they'll link to these thoughts when I post them.

My reason for dropping Catcall is the same as my reason for not wanting to join this collective.

Dwight,

I've read through your comment on Mary Sit's taxpayer-subsidized salary carefully and decided that you're right about one thing: the amount a blogger is paid for their blogging and/or public relations pieces posing as blogging impacts how much other bloggers can command for their labor.

So I went through my blogging time budget and found that there was only one weblog that wasn't netting me anything but inflated Technorati rankings, a trickle of traffic, and the occasional reader: Catcall.

By ceasing my presence on that weblog, I will be helping the private sector see that blogging has value and content and/or opinion-attractors aren't free.

Thank you for the opportunity to blog there and helping me finally realize how terribly rude of me it's been to be giving away that content for free.

What a fool I've been, but I'm glad that you've opened my eyes to this horrible mistake. Thank you, friend.

I only hope that the blogging community can forgive me for contributing to the depression of blog content's true value.

It's been over a year. What did standing on my principles get me?

I can look at myself in a mirror for a really long time without vomiting or wanting to punch the mirror.

Can you?

I strongly urge any blogger thinking of joining this collective that the Chronicle is working on assembling to decline the invitation and instead lend their support the current caretaker of Carnival of the Cats: Mom Robyn and ML.

You know, I'm glad that my name keeps coming up when folks from the media gets interested in catblogging.

Maybe I can make a little bit of difference, keeping independent catbloggers independent of their exploitation.

40 years ago, a sniper killed MLK, Jr.

Sucks, doesn't it?

80k in job losses for the country in the last reporting period.

Imagine a city that's 80k in population.

And everybody's unemployed.

Then, put a pile of food and medicine in City Hall.

Give 'em all guns, too.

Okay... now... ROLL CAMERAS!

Britney Mason says:

Okay, I admit it.. I am the worst twitter ever.. im lagging

What is a good twitterer, anyway?

Recorded this during my daily walk around Bayou Place.

Another trip to the mound, another earned run let go by Jose Valverde.

That's 2 runs for 3 innings of work.

It's early in the season, but was this really the best they could get for Qualls?

Checking the wire... Chadley pitching to Willy T.

*sigh* Why did Willy have to sign with that asshole Boras?

Oh, and the Astros are fourth-worst in the league at the plate.

Last night, Brian Williams was anchoring from The Motel.

Not the Kotel, The Motel. The Lorraine Motel, where 40 years ago, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was...

What verb do you think is appropriate? Shot? Killed? Assassinated? Martyred?

All of them, I think.

Anyway, Brian Williams was out there anchoring the news, and they had speakers in the background with the usual ceremonies and speeches.

John McCain and Hillary Clinton were on the scene to give their reflections and McCain gave a mea culpa for not initially supporting the holiday for MLK.

Here's what struck me as odd - during Williams' interview of McCain, the speakers were roaring full blast, drowning out what McCain had to say through his clip-on microphone.

But during Hillary's chat with Williams, the speakers were silent.

Then, after Hillary was done, Williams had a hand microphone.

What's the deal, NBC? Hiring highscholers to right up your sets with audio these days, or are you trying to say something here?

Other anchors at NBC, MSNBC, and CNBC have expressed their bias less-than-gracefully in the past few months. I guess we'll be seeing more examples of it as we approach November when the real skunkery comes out.

Roy just made himself "The Ace In The Hole" with a 0-2 start to the season today.

Oh, and the Astros are last in the NL Central. Race to the basement, baby!

How about those bats? As of yesterday, second-worst in batting average with sub .200

Is this just an extended Spring, or are we in for a rough season, folks?

And how long before Richard Justice starts sending up flares, begging for Roger to unretire?

The latest Weekly Challenge has been posted.

The next topic is posted.

To many - Moses
Charlton Heston lives no more
He is Soylent Green

Where were all these protesters when Beijing was still just a candidate for the 2008 Summer Games?

By the way:

In west London, a protester tried to grab the torch out of the hands of a TV presenter, forcing police to briefly stop the procession as officers detained the man. Another demonstrator tried to snuff out the flame with what appeared to be a fire extinguisher. Others in the crowd threw themselves at torchbearers running past in official Beijing 2010 Olympics tracksuits.

*cough* It's 2008, Bryan Mitchell.

Just waiting for someone to throw gasoline instead of water.

The Race To The Cellar is on!

Tied for second-to-last in batting.

Oscar Villarreal appears to be ready to serve up runs at a moment's notice.

No starters have a win, but their closer has a win.

Ty and Fat Elvis head for the medic.

Go... team... (snore)

In other news, Charley's put in 4 innings and hasn't served up a run yet.

He's even picked up a save.

I know. It's still early in the season.

So, who will be the first to get Roundrocked?

Put your guesses here.

Sure enough, Richard Justice says we're all missing the point:

Those of you complaining about the manager or general manager or hitting or fielding are missing the point.

See? We're missing the point.

Glad to know we're all missing the point.

So stop complaining, folks. You're missing the point when you complain.

Just sit, smile, and cheer like a mad idiot.

Yay!

BlogHouston noticed a whopper by METRO's Frank Wilson in an interview with Rad Sallee:

Wilson was emphatic Friday that the five lines together will cost less than $3 billion, but he wouldn't say how much less.

Is this because you don't know, Frank, or because you're trying to keep it a secret?

Or maybe you want to play a guessing game?

How about this: let Rad write down numbers and you say "Higher" or "Lower."

For every wrong guess, you get... a Hershey's Kiss. Or some other small treat.

If you do know, you're obligated to tell the public.

If you don't know, you've been working this project for how many years now?

It's called a spreadsheet, Frank. Plug in the estimates, let it calculate - BOOM! You got numbers.

If you don't know what those are, get someone who does.

If you can't get someone who does, well, how about throwing a dart at a map, moving there, and fucking up their transportation system for a change?

Hey, maybe Carol Alvorado can teach you how to use one of those during her consulting gig with METRO. (Just warn her that the numbers might be bigger than $140,000 okay?)

Breaking news from CNN:

Coroner's jury rules Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed unlawfully killed; blames reckless actions of her driver and paparazzi.

Why am I getting breathless, rushed alerts about shit that's 12 years old that doesn't change a goddamned thing in the world?

Three cheers for Hakeem.

Why did he go that extra year at Toronto, anyway?

I know he was traded from Houston to Toronto, but that last year... was he their go-to man for center, or was he a backup?

Sometimes I wonder what it must be like for a franchise player to be tossed aside like that.

My condolences to The Lone Star Times and... and...

You know, the day this city became a Zero Paper Town, that was a really sad day for local journalism.

I mean, we had 2 daily papers... and then... *poof* we had zero.

Oh well. Corners are just as ugly with mechanical vendors.

A win is not a win.

Jose Valverde pissed away the lead by getting rocked for 3 in the ninth.

Meanwhile, in Arizona, Chad Qualls is five pitches away from curing cancer.

No, I'm not shitting you. The man is curing cancer in between pitches.

Jose Valverde is pissing away leads, and Chad Qualls is fucking curing cancer.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Because it isn't as crazy as, say, trading Chadley for Brad Lidge 2.0.

So, how long before Richard Justice not only defends the trade, but calls it The Trade Of The Century?

I guess he'll have to stop ignoring the elephant in the room first... no, really... the Cards respect Wandy... yeah... see... Wandy... wow, great at home... and... about that W... um...

What little I watched of Tim Burton's blasphemy against Willy Wonka, there was this scene of Wonka's discomfort with the kids and reading off of cards, stammering about to break a sweat.

If you open your Chronicle and find a Golden Ticket, suggestion: sell it on EBay.

Shelley Sekula Gibbs got defeated by Pete Olson in the Republican primary today.

Looks like Smoke Free Shelley will have to stick to pissing off staffers, alienating helpers, and respecting the freedom of the individual by taking away their right to smoke in places you expect smoking here in town.

(Feel free to look up Shelley's hypocrisy in Search.)

This site and pretty much everything else isfullofcrap.com might be a bit wonky for the next few days.

Hard drive needs replacing in the server, and we all know how that goes, right?

If you can't live without this stuff, know what? Just die.

That's right - just die.

Because if you can't live without this stuff, you're well beyond help.

I know I am, eh.

In case of super big-bad-world emergency, use the isfullofcrap mailbox at GMail, or if you've got my cell phone number, use that.

I really, really hate fucking test messages in blogs.

People should put something in them, like "I redid my theme and I'm making sure that it looks good" or "We're on a new version of the software, and this is what I think of it" or "Hey, backups are a great thing to have."

So, I'm posting this test, and I hate myself for it.

I do not begrudge your hating me for it, too.

The Astros are now second-worst in the standings (The Detroit Tigers are the worst) and the second-worst hitting team (The San Francisco Giants are the worst by a thousandth).

Yeah, we went to the game last night. Watched Pujols break out with 2 homers.

Lidge never left.

The cool part about games Downtown is that I get off work at 3:30, so I can take a nap and then wander over to Cabo's for a bit.

Or, if they need help, I can offer to work overtime with the midshift.

Napping or working a bit of overtime is way, way better than, say, sitting on the goddamned 102, eh.

Checking Drudge... looks like Katie Couric wants out of CBS.

Katie Couric makes $15,000,000 a year to anchor a third-place evening newscast.

Hey, there's people who make more for doing less for worse.

They're called close-to-retirement professional athletes on the disabled list.

Let's pick someone at random... say... oh... Jeff Bagwell.

Jeff Bagwell made $20,000,000 a year to do... well, nothing for the Houston Astros in 2006 besides show up at Spring Training to ruin their chances of collecting on the insurance policy they had on him.

He had surgery in 2005. He rehabbed. It was obvious that he wasn't coming back to everyone but him.

But he got that opportunity to get into the World Series and get swept.

If you had put Katie Couric in an Astros uniform, she probably could have done more at the plate than Baggie did.

Then, he made $7,000,000 in 2007 for doing... well, nothing again.

Okay okay. So he showed up to a few events, hung out in the clubhouse for moral support, yadda yadda. But as a paid baseball player, he was severely lacking in the baseball department.

Say what you will about Katie, even if she's not a serious journalist, at least she goes through the motions and tries.

And when she realizes it's time to hang it up and go back to being a chatshow puppet like Larry King, she's man enough to admit it and start the process of hanging up her cleats to make room for someone who can.

So, here's to Katie... and I'm looking forward to watching the CBS Evening News With Jeff Bagwell. (Would Craig Biggio sign on as a correspondent?)

The Olympic Torch relay isn't just a fun way to draw out the anger of pro-Tibetan protestors as a symbol of brutal Chinese oppression... it's also a symbol of waste and pollution.

But then, what do you expect from an athletic event sponsored by two of the unhealthiest food products on the planet: Coke and McDonalds?

I guess they just want to spread the joy of Beijing's putrid skies to the rest of the world.

Feel the lov- *cough* *cough* *cough*

Sorry. Doctor told me that it's healthier now to breathe all my air through a lit cigarette. The filter takes out the crap we keep pumping out ther- *cough* *cough* *cough*

Go for the Gold!

Vanilla Ice was arrested for a battery charge.

Was he arrested for battering someone, or was he arrested for lifting tracks from someone else battering someone?

Gizmodo's encroaching on my domain!

Angryface! Angryface!

Grrrrrrrr!

The Astros have managed to race to the basement of the statistical charts in thrilling fashion!

The worst-hitting team in baseball is... your Houston Astros!

Take a bow, boys.

Tonight, it's Roy Oh No taking the mound at The Juicer's Box against the fish.

Will the staff's ace go 0-3?

We'll see! Goooooooooooooooooooooo... um...

(What was their name again?)

The Nationals just tied up with the Lastros for second-worst record in baseball.

Worst batting average and on-base.

Fourth-worst ERA and third worst WHIP.

Oh, and their ace? Got rocked for 4 long balls last night in 4.

Oscar Villareal, the so-called inning-sponge of the bullpen, got his ass kicked again.

The only bright spot is that the teeth were yanked out of the Mitchell Report and everybody who was fingered for juicing is going to get away with it. So, Miguel Tejada is going to get a walk, but then, so will Roger the Mercenary and Raggedy Andy.

It's stuff like this that makes me miss Luke Scott:

"We live in an imperfect world," Scott said. "If you have money and fame, you're more of a target to the criminal element. There are people who steal, who murder people for what they have. That's the reality of life. If you're not prepared, it could cost you your life."

I'm sure anti-gun pussies are going to howl over this.

Good.

Maybe you should have prevented your fellow savages from slashing at your lifeline.

Starve in the dark.

I love The Munsters.

They're on TVLand right now.

I should be watching August Wind on DVD, but The Munsters are on.

A beautiful daughter (Pat Priest) seen as an aberration... a mutant among monsters who see themselves as normal.

Such sedition!

Okay, so it's August Rush.

Not enough caffeine.

JR. Towles took one on the hand yesterday, but it looks like he's going to be fine with a little rest.

Brad Ausmus came in to pinch-run for him. And promptly got bagged in a run-down.

I wonder if he'll teach that trick to JR. He's already taught him "How to bat .200 and keep a job in the Major Leagues."

Two anniversaries that have deeper meaning to me:

• 143 years ago, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. I'm trying to finish one of these 13 Wacky Adventures I have in draft form that keep resisting completion.

• 14 years ago, first web server of any television station in the world. Such a milestone achievement, they wanted it shut down. Or maybe it was the fact I was copy-pasting press releases to the site for content, one of which being the mass firing of 32 employees because of budget shortfalls.

That's right. It was okay for a press release to go out to the local press to be quoted by the papers to be seen by tens of thousands, but putting it out on the web where it could be seen by dozens in early 1994 was a no-no.

Their History page shows delightful revisionism:

He kept KUHT operating in the black during his 36 years of leadership, even during the years when the Houston economy suffered, and times when other stations around the country were forced to cut back operations and personnel.

Wikipedia has it wrong:

In 1997, it became the first broadcast station in the world to have a website.

Um... April 14, 1994, guys.

The server's name was Kermit. Because frogs have webbed feet.

All our servers had Sesame Street Muppet names.

Heh. Whatever.

The head troll of Membership back then asked "What good is this for?" and declared they'd never take pledges over this Internet or Web thing.

I wonder where she is buried. I should buy some flowers for her grave and tell her "I forgive you for being shortsighted. It wasn't your fault you were old and fearful of progress."

It takes two to forgive, Uncle Guido says. One to forgive and one to be dead so they stop pissing the forgiver off by doing more unforgivable acts.

Okay, folks... make your predictions...

Which ex-Astros do you think will make the All Star teams?

When corporate giants like Northwest and Delta merge, there's always job consolidation.

Yeah, there's no point in maintaining multiple prison-labor call centers or maintenance depots in South America to skirt union regulations.

When the figures of job cuts get released, I always wonder how many worker drones get the axe as opposed to people who wear suits for a living. (And I don't mean the pilots)

Those executives who get bagged, well, their golden parachutes always seem to keep them aloft for a very, very long time.

Amazing, that.

What's got me wondering is the lobbyists.

Delta has lobbyists. Northwest has lobbyists.

Think they'll consolidate lobbyists for funneling their bribes to our beloved, crooked elected officials?

"Joe, you've been greasing the skids in DC for us for years, and you've done a great job. Thanks to you, we didn't have to pay for reinforcing cockpit doors for over a decade... and when we did, the government did it for us. We sure lucked out, those Muslims hijacking American and United and not us. Saved us a ton in legal fees and PR. But seriously, we're shacking up with another of the bigs and, well, we just don't need your influence peddling anymore, so we've got to let you go."

Gotta love it.

Former President Carter has met with and hugged members of Hamas in the West Bank, has had his request to meet with them in Gaza rejected, but will still meet with its leader in Syria, which is an unashamed state sponsor of terrorism.

According to the Government of the United States of America, which Carter was once President of, Hamas is a terrorist group.

If the Logan Act won't be enforced, either stop sending paychecks to those sworn to enforce it or just go ahead and repeal it.

Is it a manpower issue? Fine. Here's a suggestion: whatever dorks are off chasing DB Cooper's trail, take them off of that case and point them at Carter and his entourage.

Or even better: ask his Secret Service detail to gently pack him in a steamer trunk and ship it to Leavenworth.

If Leavenworth will be a logistical nightmare, then turn The Carter Center into his prison.

You know, like the Mukata was for Arafat and his Force 17 cronies.

Perhaps he could be shipped off to live with Nelson Mandela?

Have we ever had a US President shipped off in exile? Jefferson Davis spent some time in jail and toured other countries, and even got re-elected to the Senate but couldn't serve.

Why?

Fourteenth Amendment:

Section 3. No one shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice President, or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States, or under any State, who, having previously taken an oath, as a member of Congress, or as an officer of the United States, or as a member of any State legislature, or as an executive or judicial officer of any State, to support the Constitution of the United States, shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof. But Congress may by a vote of two-thirds of each House, remove such disability.

Remember those Congressmen who visited Baghdad before the Iraq War?

Always wondered why they weren't refused entry to Congress upon re-election based on this provision.

I suppose I should have mentioned that the 100 Word Stories Weekly Challenge went up on Saturday.

Yeah, there were 19 stories. Good ones, in fact. (Except for Planet Z, who's consistently awful and built to stay that way.)

118 Migration is also about zombies.

And there's a special guest star singing on that podcast, too.

Roving bands of monkeys have become a nuisance on Gibraltar, so they're culling some packs.

I, for one, approve of the use of lethal injections to solve the problem of roving nuisances, whether it be monkeys or Mexicans who murder Americans and then get caught, tried, convicted, and sentenced to death.

Okay, so they're not exactly roving nuisances at that point, since they're kinda in jail and stuff, but I think you get my point.

And I've set a trap for you "HE HATES MEXICANS!" readers because I believe the same thing when it comes to non-Mexicans. It doesn't matter what color your skin is or what language you speak - if you murder, you die.

I've also set a trap for you "GIVE ALL ILLEGAL ALIENS AMNESTY" goofballs because I didn't mention whether the Mexicans were illegal or not.

Just the fact that they're the roving-band, murdering-folks kind.

What I don't believe is that one should just run down any old Mexican (or other kind of person) and lethally inject them for being a nuisance.

Okay, okay... so I lied there.

It's okay to lethally-inject Smurfs on the spot.

I HATE SMURFS!

KHOU sent out the amazingly brilliant BREAKING NEWS email of "Pope visits America."

Is this something I need to stock up for? Will this alter traffic patterns?

Should I expect to see roving bands of monkeys?

KHOU is a nuisance, sure, but not quite to the point of meriting lethal injection.

(Yet.)

No, really - what the fuck?

Brad Lidge, the closer some Astros fans couldn’t wait to get rid of, was in the Philadelphia Phillies’ bullpen late Tuesday night when his replacement took the Citizens Bank Park mound in the ninth. Shawn Chacon had just pitched eight marvelous innings, keeping the Phillies scoreless while giving new Astros closer Jose Valverde three runs to work with.

It wasn’t enough as the Phillies scored four runs in the bottom of the ninth to earn the 4-3 victory on Pedro Feliz’s walk-off double down the left field line.

Lidge’s new Philadelphia teammates erased the 3-0 deficit in a hurry. Chris Snelling greeted Valverde with his first career pinch home run while leading off the ninth with a shot to right. Valverde then hit Chase Utley with a pitch.

After Ryan Howard struck out, Pat Burrell tied the score with a two-run home run. Valverde got Geoff Jenkins to swing through strike three, but Jenkins reached safely on Brad Ausmus’ passed ball. Feliz followed with the game-winning double.

Two jacks. Gone.

11.37 ERA so far.

Yeah, Chadley blew one for the Diamondbacks yesterday, but he's been a fuckload and a half better than this piece of shit Valverde we got for him.

Oh, and don't get me started on Ausmus. He's doing a fine job of begging for early retirement to make room for Quintero.

Just in case there's any morons out there still on the fence who haven't realized that Mahmoud Abbas rewards, supports, and encourages terrorism:

The Al Kuds Mark of Honor, the PLO's highest medal, will be given to two female terrorists who helped kill Israelis, Israel Radio reported Wednesday.

Ahlam Tamimi, a Hamas affiliate serving a life sentence for driving the suicide bomber who exploded himself in the Sbarro restaurant in Jerusalem, killing at least half a dozen people, including a whole family and Amra Muna, who seduced Ophir Rahum over the Internet and then lured him to Ramallah where he was murdered, will both be awarded the medal.

Conferring the Al Kuds Mark of Honor is decided at the discretion of the Palestinian Authority's president, and he alone has the final say when choosing the Palestinians to be honored with the medal.

Palestinian Minister for Prisoner Affairs Ashraf el Ajami told Israel Radio that his ministry gave PA President Mahmoud Abbas a comprehensive list of prisoners and his office chose the nominees from this list.

This guy needs to have wreaths put on his grave by Jimmy Carter.

Maybe if the IDF hurries up, they can do that before the old terrorist-hugging peanut farmer leaves town.

This happens most mornings... Nardo winds around, meowing and knocking things over, so I grab him and hug him:

He's my huggybuddy.

I was running out of credit on the Q Card again, so I risked my money with the on-bus card reloader again.

I put Alexander Hamilton into the machine, docked the card, and it said it flashed $10 on to there.

This morning, it said I had $34.

I guess the credit that work put on the card made it to the card, but here's what's weird - Q Cards work by contract and not by total amount, right?

That's $10 + $25 - $1 = $34.

The $10 credit I added yesterday was combined with the $25 from work.

Are they scrapping the confusing and stupid contract system and going with displaying raw card totals now?

Maybe I missed the METRO Propagandagram with the news?
Mary Sit's needs to get her cheerleading skirt repleated?
Did the Mariachi bands play at a different bus stop?
Where's my scratch-off card?

It used to be, when I got home from work, I'd ask the cats who I'd eat first.

"Who has some kitty toes I can nibble on?" and so on.

Big fat fuzzy feet.
Little white toesies.
Crazy fluffy feet.
Tasty thumb pie.

The cats would meow, or stare at the stupid human babbling at them.

Now, there's not much mystery in who will get eaten first.

I didn't catblog today, but Meryl did.

The Rockies went 22 last night, but did they come into Houston too tired to play?

Nope. They chased Chris "Jose Lima 2.0" Sampson's ass and stomped the hometown zeroes 11 to 5.

At least Kaz Matsui's out there, doing his best to avoid riding the pine for a ridiculous paycheck like Bagwell did.

Michael Jordan's son is generating headlines as a basketball player.

The athletes of my youth have become the coaches, managers, government representatives elected by morons seeking out a familiar name, and babbling color commentators of the networks.

Pass the Geritol.

Nardo's officially restricted to base.

He went on a patrol yesterday afternoon, the sentry of the tall grass and sidewalk.

A Lhasa Apso did not halt and identify himself.

Lhasa Apso got a bloody nose.

Nardo just fuzzed up and cheeto-butted and growled. Not a scratch.

He didn't respond to the call back to base, so additional units were dispatched with a broom.

Yeah, I'm really feeling comfortable with the idea that this territorial nutcase is going to mix well with a pair of defenseless bumbling kittens.

Some snapshots of the jasmine this morning...

Yeah, I'll be napping on the patio when I get home.

Nardo will be napping out there, too.

I suppose I should prep some of the vegetables on the counter for grilling.

I forgot to pick up olive oil at the store yesterday.

Oh well. Sounds like a challenge.

Maybe I should marinade with things other than olive oil this time around.

Just in case you thought Islamic conferences weren't about hating Jews, rationalizing Palestinian terrorism, and exchanging falafel recipes... here's a whopper:

Muslim scientists and clerics have called for the adoption of Mecca time to replace GMT, arguing that the Saudi city is the true centre of the Earth.

Did I forget to give a beverage warning?

Sorry.

A prominent cleric, Sheikh Youssef al-Qaradawy, said modern science had at last provided evidence that Mecca was the true centre of the Earth; proof, he said, of the greatness of the Muslim "qibla" - the Arabic word for the direction Muslims turn to when they pray.

So where's the proof?

The underlying belief is that scientific truths were also revealed in the Muslim holy book, and it is the work of scholars to unearth and publicise the textual evidence.

Ah. From there.

Same book that said that the stars were created by Allah so he could hurl them like missiles at Devils.

Uh huh.

Right.

I'll just keep using Texas Time.

Just in case you thought UNIFIL was worth anything more than a cup of warm spit: Run! Run away!

Hizbullah gunmen chased away UNIFIL inspectors in south Lebanon who identified a truck carrying arms belonging to the guerrilla group, a report published twice a year by UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon revealed Tuesday.

The incident was the first time UNIFIL troops confirmed the presence of Hizbullah gunmen south of the Litani River, in violation of UN Security Council Resolution 1701, Channel 1 reported.

I guess we now know where Eric Idle is these days: reprising his role of Sir Robin from Monty Python and the Holy Grail in Southern Lebanon.

I think the idea of an International Festival is a cool idea.

So, when will we have one?

I walk by City Hall and Tranquility Park every day.

They're full of tents for turkey legs, beer, boudin, funnel cakes, and all sorts of other carnival crap.

Only until I looked hard to see the backdrop of the main stage at City Hall did I realize that it had something to do with Africa.

Now, I'm not expecting to have to spear-hunt wildebeast or fight jackal for food, or starve like an 80's Ethiopian in the gutter, but could they at least have one tent in that area with something close to authentic African?

So... let's see... Brocail gets his ass kicked, Valverde gets lauded as a hero for blowing the save only by one run with loaded bases, then picks up the win?

Yes, two wins is two wins. Still, it's sloppy stuff.

Maybe if the bats stay that hot for the whole season, sure. Pence is even waking up. But we know they won't, and the lousy pitching and gas can alley bullpen won't save the day.

Ausmus had better teach JR Towles all he knows about catching fast - he might as well be going up to the plate with a stack of pancakes. And if JR Cruz didn't have that last name, do you think he'd still be on the squad?

Yeah, it's ugly to think it, but if Ausmus were to conveniently go on the DL, end up a catcher's bench coach for JR and Quintero...

I wonder if he got riding-the-pine-for-the-big-bucks lessons from Bagwell.

The Astros are up to sixth-worst batting team in the league, but Bourn's out for a few days. There goes their "If he gets on, count it a double" guy.

Remember all that bullshit about Libya joining the Security Council and claiming to be able to deal with the matters of the world on a fair and even basis?

Try not to be surprised:

The United States, Britain and France have walked out of a closed meeting of the UN Security Council after Libya compared the situation in Gaza to Nazi concentration camps in World War II.

Council diplomats say Belgium and Costa Rica joined in the walkout.

It is a rare protest by members of the UN's most powerful body against one of their own members.

The council was discussing the possibility of issuing a press statement on recent Mideast events at a closed meeting late Wednesday when Libya's deputy ambassador made the comment.

Yeah, the residents of Nazi concentration camps were launching dozens of missiles at German woman and children and sending out suicide bombers against German civilians, all the while providing nearly all the humanitarian needs for the population there.

*sheesh*

When does that shitbag from Libya go back to being just one of the chorus of shitbags in the General Assembly so they can make room for the next representative from The Terrorist World?

You know, with Eason Jordan were still at CNN, he's probably whip out his checkbook and pay these folks off because sometimes in the news business, you gotta pay for access, right?

A Chinese primary school teacher and a beautician have filed a suit against CNN in New York over remarks they say insulted the Chinese people and are seeking $1.3 billion in compensation -- $1 per person in China, a Hong Kong newspaper reported.

The case against the Atlanta-based cable channel, its parent company Turner Broadcasting and Jack Cafferty, the offending commentator, comes after 14 lawyers launched a similar suit in Beijing alleging that Cafferty's remarks earlier this month violated the dignity and reputation of the Chinese people.

That's 300 million bucks more than what Ted Turner pledged to the United Nations way back when.

I guess bribing the Old Dictator's Club didn't quite stick, eh Red Ted?

Another celebrity non-endorsement being blown out of proportion: Jenna Bush.

Via Podcast Pickle.

PodShow (now Mevio) just cockpunched its content producers after filling their heads with delusions of adequacy and promises of big bucks.

"We have never believed in user-generated content as a business, or even as a sustainable entertainment offering," said Ron Bloom, Co-founder and Chief Executive Officer, MEVIO.

Pardon me, but who's going to generate the content, a-hole? Robots?

"Our combination of premier, high quality content with a growing and return audience gives brand advertisers the kind of online viewer engagement that they are hard-pressed to find anywhere else on the Web," said Adam Curry, co-founder and President of MEVIO. "We have an incredible talent pool of producers and developers who understand what it means to build and engage an audience, and we are just beginning to roll out even more entertainment options."

And after the "we can't make money off of your shit" insult followed up with Curry's "But it's really, really good shit." statement, I have a feeling that pool's going to be drained when people find that they have the ability to make their own effective ad networks, utilize the better tools available, and strike it out on their own.

Compelling content is out there. Making a business out of user-generated content is possible. But PodShow (now Mevio) has all been about kissing Adam