This Blog Is Full Of Crap

I know, I know... I'm going full-bore disgusting with the titles today, but I just don't give a flying-into-the-World-Trade-Center fuck today.

All the managers and supervisors (okay, so there's only two on Fridays) are doing Fridcay interviews today, which is an idiotic thing in and of itself.

I mean, it's the day you're short on supervisors and staff... why are you deliberately making your limited resources even more limited... hell, unavailable in this manner?

If you do this, you are setting your operation up for a crisis by doing this kind of stuff.

Anyway, so an even more idiotic thing is the fact that the floor has de facto tapped me as their leader of this ship of fools for the time being.

ALL HAIL THE PSEUDOVISOR!

But instead of seeing this as a responsibility or a chore, I'm seeing it as a liberating experience.

My management style is identical to "Louie, The Guy Who Dips His Balls In Everything" from The State comedy series:

Got a problem needing solved? I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!
Need something taken care of quicker? I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!
Want to complain? I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!

Okay, so substitute "Do it yourself, pussy!" (or a socially acceptable alternative) for I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!

Examples:

A customer wants his hostname set. I give him a link with step-by-step so simple, a Geico commercial writer could do it. He whines. He says it's over his head. He's whined about this before. I brush him off and ban his email address from the support queue for good because we have way too many REAL crises needing solved that we're contractually obligated to solve as opposed to busy-work we aren't.

The email bounces. Oh well. That could have been fun, explaining that one to management. Could have even sung it opera-style.

Look, folks - the guy bought a server, he doesn't know how to run it, and he doesn't even have the balls to read a simple step-by-step to fix the simplest thing.

Read the title of this post for my thoughts on those kind of passive-aggressive customer-is-always-right pussies paying pennies on the dollar compared to the ones actually paying for the premium service.

The real problem is solved: I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!

Another non-crises gets blown out of proportion... WHAM! I smack it down.

The real problem is solved: I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!

Another non-crises gets blown out of proportion... WHAM! I smack it down.

We have a shitload of tickets in the queue. Lay your emotional damage on your parents, whiners... we have shit to unfuck, and if you fucked your shit up yourself while you're contractually obligated to unfuck it yourself, well, you'd better plan on waiting behind those who didn't.

Kissing ass off. Kicking ass on.

Let's roll!

Sure, I'll get crucified for this, but that's only because Jesus of Nazareth told the Roman centurions that they were looking for the guy yelling about his balls.