This Blog Is Full Of Crap

Randy Hendricks has said his fattest and oldest client will keep jerking the fans around for another month.

Last year, El Centro in Downtown Houston closed in solidarity with the protestors:

One year later, El Centro's isn't closed in solidarity with the protests.

Why?

1. No protests.

2. El Centros went out of business a while back.

Good riddance to rubbish.

As for people protesting, well, don't like it here in El Norte?

Fine. It's called South: go back there.

This is how the morning should always start:

Just dealt with an issue that sent me through the roof.

Customer buys a server, gets a range of IP addresses sent to him via email.

Customer apparently loses that list.

Can he go to his account site and see the range of IP addresses?

Answer: No. We don't put them there.

I'm sure someone has a reason for this. Sort of like the reason for "Let's buy a telephone system that nobody knows how to configure or keep running!" or "We're out of inventory to sell, so let's hire salespeople and marketing people to sell more stuff we don't have!"

Sheesh.

So, customer needs IPs. Fine. He has to call in, write a ticket, chat.... quite literally beg us for that list.

And wait 24 hours to get a wrong answer, which I end up having to correct for them, solve, and blow my stack over not being able to fix the real problem: hoarding information instead of breathing life into it so the information can be everywhere it needs to be.

Making people beg for what they already own is the "Mother May I?" business model in action, where a customer has to beg the service provider for something instead of being able to access it on their own.

Look - when you play an online game and you've got a whole bunch of things on your character (Sir Fartsalot, the Somewhat Unpleasant To Be Around!), you can click on that character and get inventory, right? Bim bam boom - right there in a list, ready to be organized into piles and folders and such.

It's simple, easy, quick, and makes it easier to play the game.

On the other hand, let's say you have a game where you have to pick up a phone or write an email begging to find out how many swords, axes, +3 dildoes, and other crap Sir Fartsalot has in his castle.

Sir Fartalot would be leaving (in a cloud of what we hope is dust) pretty damn quickly if that were the case. He'd be farting around some other virtual realm.

In the end, people don't like to be forced to beg for things. They resent it.

And they go elsewhere.

There's a neat thing that happens to companies who play "Mother May I?" with customers: they drive away their customers and go bankrupt.

Either someone goes through all the processes and systems to root out and kill the "Mother May I?" bullshit, or things are not looking good for the future of this Frankenstein of a merged company.

I pull out my insurance card, take a long look at it, and put it back in my wallet.

Is it four yet?

Yes, that's Nardo in Frisky's kittycave right now.

Nardo knows that Frisky loves his kittycave.

But he steals the cave anyway.

Because he's a jerk.

I would hope that if this kind of treason happened in America, someone would put a bullet in that person's head before they got to the airport and no grand jury would indict them.

Sadly, the "He Needed Killin" Principle of Texas kind of died out in 1963 when the killer of Kennedy's assassin was seen as some sort of criminal instead of someone just cutting through the red tape with the proper application of firearms technology.

Whatever trust or tolerance has build up over the past few decades of the "indigenous" Arab population by the Jews of Israel, if there's any left, it's a testament to the character of the Jewish People.

It's also a serious character flaw to the point of suicidal insanity.

Here in the states, the Dan Rostenkowis, the Nyes, the Trafficants all get their asses handed to them when they deserve it.

The William Jeffersons, on the other hand, well... we're still waiting for that swindler to get a cot and three hots behind bars.

My prediction: watch for MK Immunity to go away, or some kind of "honor detail" being assigned to any and all MK's wishing to leave the country on official or unofficial business.

You know. Because retired Mossad agents acting as babysitters never shoot their package when the package decides to go rogue or perform treasonous acts on foreign soil.

Perish the thought.

Woof.

Now that TSU's board has finally resigned, it's time to assess the damage they've done, whether by their own action, inaction, or through the management team they've failed to oversee properly.

First up... it's the Professional Athletes Posing As Students Association:

The NCAA's latest Academic Progress Report, released Wednesday, shows historically black colleges and universities (HBCUs) account for about 13 percent of all schools facing potential scholarship losses or receiving warning letters because of poor classroom performance.

Texas Southern, an HBCU school in Houston, received five warning letters, the most nationally.

*applause* Well done, Slade's Saviours. Fine job there of leading the country in something.

Who's next?

I didn't watch the Astros play last night because they've played so badly recently and I didn't watch to watch Roy get screwed by the rest of the team.

Sure enough, Roy hurled a victory and Dan Wheeler held on to it.

Since it was Lidge and not Wheeler going out there, I think Garner's finally gotten it through his thick skull that a man who's lost the closers job shouldn't be out there in the ninth closing games.

Anyone want to predict when Lidge gets traded and how many pennies on the dollar the Astros get for him?

Local Wonderboy Michael Berry sits down for an interview with Mike McGuff.

This is the paragraph that everyone looking to make it in the world should read:

Through that I was studying radio. I would sit in on shows. I learned the production, and I learned board opping and I learned how the phones worked and I learned when to push the dump button and when to push the cough button and when you go to breaks and how the clock works and the business aspect of it, the programming aspects and how you read Arbitron ratings. I basically used that as a study course, as a hobby, while I was doing everything else full time.

Wherever you are, use every opportunity you can to learn the operation.

And here's another, just for people in the broadcast industry:

And you know my job is not to meddle in the day to day operations of KTRH's newsroom. That's a heritage station with a great legacy, and they got a first rate news director named, Brian Erickson. The very first thing I did upon being hired was to promote Brian to the Program Director for KTRH, which it had not had for several years. So to be very clear, that fiefdom is Brian Erickson's, and you know he runs it.

Good managers know when not to micromanage or meddle with operations that are working.

He's got some exciting stuff about blogs and interactivity in there, too, but here's the thing that surprised me:

You are going to hear promos slashed back to the bone. We are no longer going to need to tell you that we are News Radio 740 KTRH; you know that. We are going to cut all that out and give you more content, give you more segments, bring in a medical expert -- Dr. Joe Galati -- bring in a consumer expert, bring in business trend experts

Reminds me of my old saying: Tom Ash to Ashes, Dust to Dust.

Promotions for its own sake is arrogance and ego. It is the station stroking itself off while patting itself on the back, and it wastes valuable content-time.

Most people have a pre-set for stations, or they have a dial they can look at. No sense in wasting 30 seconds reminding people of what they already know or touting accomplishments and awards nobody really should give a rat's ass about.

Shut up and tell me the news.

Sadly, I predict that time saved from slashing promos will ultimately end up in the hands of Sales and Marketing in the form of commercial time.

We'll see if Berry will be berry, berry good to us and turn that freed-up promos time into actual news content, allowing interviewers and guests a few more valuable seconds of Q&A.

Apparently, this is The National Day Of Prayer.

What are you praying for?

In one corner, Helen Popkin of MSNBC:

And also, Twitter is stupid.

It really is. I mean, c'mon. You don't have to get your bowels in an uproar to know that. Twitter is like an RSS feed to every boring aspect of your friend's lives. And your friends are boring. How could they not be? Hourly updates on your best bud's activities get dull pretty fast even if your best bud is Jack Bauer:

"woke up feeling all angsty...left arm tingly"

"oh noes...shot curtis today :-("

"thinkin i gotta torture this guy. oh well"

"can't remember last time i peed"

Yawn.

Why do we think we're so important that we believe other people want to know about what we're having for lunch, how bored we are at work or the state of inebriation we happen to be at this very moment in time? How did society get to the point that we are constantly improving technology so that this non-news can reach others even faster than a cell phone, a text message, a blog, our Facebook profiles?

Result: Uninformative, angry, and ignorant.

In the other corner, Dwight Silverman:

The best way to describe Twitter: It's like instant messaging to a Web page. You can enter brief messages onto your own Twitter page, or add "TwitterIM" to your IM client's buddy list, or send a text message via cell phone, and the result shows up on your Twitter page. Unlike IMs, which are here and gone (or saved on your hard drive if your client logs them), Twitter messages are archived for all time and discoverable by search engines.

On its surface, Twitter forces you to make an obnoxious presumption: That anyone will care enough about what you're doing to go to this page and look at it regularly. However, your pearls of minutiae can be delivered to others via IM or RSS, saving your hordes of fans the trouble of clicking a link or typing in a triple-dub. Thank heaven for technology, eh?

However, the second and more social aspect of Twitter is what makes it more interesting. You can designate people to be your friends, and vice versa. When you do, their musings also end up on your page. Suddenly, it's not all about you -- it's about us, and that has some intriguing possibilities.

My own dim bulb lit up yesterday when I glanced at my Twitter page and saw an item from Houston podcaster Chris Doelle that Research in Motion's BlackBerry network was suffering an outage. I did a quick item on it as a result, which chron.com wound up using to track the story during the day. Thanks, Chris! You and Twitter served as my tipsheet.

Result: Informative, insightful, balanced.

Winner: Dwight Silverman.

A consumer of news information products and services should seriously question the value of MSNBC's technology content if they're promoting Helen's crap as technology news, and, if MSNBC's philosophy and editorial guidelines extend to their other fields of coverage, MSNBC itself.

If Helen Pokpin told me I was on fire, I'd get a second opinion before going through the hassle of stopping, dropping, and rolling

1938: Neville Chamberlain appeases Hitler.

2007: Condi Rice appeases Wallid Moallem (FM of Syria), then "exchanges pleasantries" with Iranian FM.

Once upon a time, some guy stood in the Rose Garden and gave a good speech. In it, it said something about "leadership uncompromised by terror" and other really good ideas when you're the leader of a free society in the crosshairs of a totalitarian fundamentalist religious movement that has wide support among so-called moderates (who would be dubbed sympathizers or radicals by any truly rational moderate standard).

I feel sick about the fact that I actually believed he'd carry any of that out or stick to any of the principles in that speech.

But then, what do you expect from a man who's visited nearly every country in the Middle East except America's closest ally there?

Kinda makes you wonder if he actually considers Israel to be an ally at all and not just a necessary stepping-stone to The Rapture.

Blogging will be light today... over at Dwight's blog.

As for my own blog, well, I'm just blogging up a storm.

See? I'm blogging now.

Blog blog blog... so much blogging.

Am I accomplishing anything? Am I toppling regimes, exposing hypocrisy, or sharing my expertise and knowledge to all those who care to listen?

Probably not. But I'm still blogging.

Regular blogging will resume tomorrow.

It's time for Time's 100 Most Influential People.

It's also time for me to put each and every one of them into perspective for you, my loyal audience.

Ready?

Here we go!

1. Tina Fey: Flash-in-the-pan overhyped clown in heels and ugly glasses.

2. Youssou N'Dour: So influential, they had to find the only major artist who gives a rat's ass about his work to write about him. Not even worth ripping his CDs.

3. Anna Netrebko: Um... er... opera? Where's the Three Tenors? And where's my "free" coffee mug, PBS?

4. Justin Timberlake: More like "Under the influence." Blech.

5. Sacha Baron Cohen: Not quite a global Mark Twain or Charlie Chaplain yet, but he's getting there.

6. Leonardo Di Caprio: He's a good actor, but great? Not sure. But Time hunts for a horrifly biased opinion from someone who has a financial stake in Leo's success, and gets one in Marty. Well done, Time.

7. Nora Roberts: She is prolific and sells books. Can't argue with that. But hardly a Norman Mailer with her read-and-forget trash.

8. Rick Rubin: A huge influence on today's music. More than any single artist. Good pick.

9. Martin Scorsese: Is AOL/Time Warner plugging a Marty movie or something?

10. Cate Blanchett: I don't see guys painting her on warplanes like Betty Grable. Not exactly a deep cultural influence beyond her films, sorry.

11. Alber Elbaz: Who? Is this another "Manhattan is the center of the universe!" thing?

12. America Ferrera: Mark my words: in 20 years, she's going to be less known then as Willie Ames is now.

13. Simon Fuller: Sadly, a good choice. Looking forward to the day when American Idol fizzles like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire did because it perpetuates the shackling of independent up-and-coming artists to massive corporate media enterprises. Podcasting and MySpace and self-publishing may not be as big, but you maintain control and your soul.

14. Brian Grazer: By assuming that Brian Grazer "gets" Blackberries, webcasting, and all the new technology out there, Russell Crowe demonstrates that he doesn't. Stick to throwing phones instead of guessing who's going to be the next broadbandcaster to phones, Russell.

15. John Mayer: Has big friends. But who is he influencing, really? Who can point to him and say "I credit the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, and this guy for my style of music?"

16. David Mitchell: Never read him. Should I?

17. Kate Moss: Her job description is "Wear clothes. Hold things. Don't fall down." And this makes a difference in the world or makes her unique how exactly?

18. Rosie O'Donnell: Barbara Walters writes that piece like an employer writes a letter of recommendation to an employee they really, desperately want to get rid of, and it doesn't matter what bullshit they hurl at the page to convince someone to get them the hell out of their hair once and for all.

19. : Just like Morgan Freeman always plays the same role every time, Brad always ends up playing Brad Pitt every time. How about someone who does a range of roles, like... where's Johnny Depp on the list?

20. Shonda Rhimes: Who?

21. Kara Walker: Who?

22. Brian Williams: Wears suits and reads a teleprompter. And just like Katie Couric, he probably isn't responsible for everything done in his name.

23. Queen Elizabeth II: Meaningless figurehead, just like Brian Williams. Has about as much influence on the world as a shotglass of Miller Lite has on Keith Richards.

24. Tzipi Livni: Good choice. She has more influence over the direction of Israeli policy right now than Ehud Olmert, but Kadima's going to shatter and fall apart when they realize that their beloved leader is dead to the world.

More as I get to them.

Prosecutors Want Paris Hilton in Jail: Won't she just turn sideways and slip between the bars?

You heard me: METRO had four fucks upon me this morning.

Not just one, or two. Not even just three.

Four:

1. The 9 was early to the stop, so I had to run my ass off to get to it before the driver pulled away. Caught it, just barely.

2. Sure, the 9 was early, but they drag-assed Downtown and I barely missed the 102 by 20 seconds despite running my ass off.

3. The 56's card-reader was broken, but that wasn't a fuck since the driver blew it off. However, when I filled the card last night, it had a buck on it. When I swiped the card on the 9, it showed 59 bucks. Therefore, METRO stole a buck from me.

4. The driver had no warning that the underpass by UH-D was blocked off, so they wandered around Downtown and in the near-Northside for fifteen minutes trying to find their way to Airline.

Four fucks in one morning.

Way to go, METRO. You fucking suck.

I know, I know... I'm going full-bore disgusting with the titles today, but I just don't give a flying-into-the-World-Trade-Center fuck today.

All the managers and supervisors (okay, so there's only two on Fridays) are doing Fridcay interviews today, which is an idiotic thing in and of itself.

I mean, it's the day you're short on supervisors and staff... why are you deliberately making your limited resources even more limited... hell, unavailable in this manner?

If you do this, you are setting your operation up for a crisis by doing this kind of stuff.

Anyway, so an even more idiotic thing is the fact that the floor has de facto tapped me as their leader of this ship of fools for the time being.

ALL HAIL THE PSEUDOVISOR!

But instead of seeing this as a responsibility or a chore, I'm seeing it as a liberating experience.

My management style is identical to "Louie, The Guy Who Dips His Balls In Everything" from The State comedy series:

Got a problem needing solved? I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!
Need something taken care of quicker? I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!
Want to complain? I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!

Okay, so substitute "Do it yourself, pussy!" (or a socially acceptable alternative) for I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!

Examples:

A customer wants his hostname set. I give him a link with step-by-step so simple, a Geico commercial writer could do it. He whines. He says it's over his head. He's whined about this before. I brush him off and ban his email address from the support queue for good because we have way too many REAL crises needing solved that we're contractually obligated to solve as opposed to busy-work we aren't.

The email bounces. Oh well. That could have been fun, explaining that one to management. Could have even sung it opera-style.

Look, folks - the guy bought a server, he doesn't know how to run it, and he doesn't even have the balls to read a simple step-by-step to fix the simplest thing.

Read the title of this post for my thoughts on those kind of passive-aggressive customer-is-always-right pussies paying pennies on the dollar compared to the ones actually paying for the premium service.

The real problem is solved: I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!

Another non-crises gets blown out of proportion... WHAM! I smack it down.

The real problem is solved: I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!

Another non-crises gets blown out of proportion... WHAM! I smack it down.

We have a shitload of tickets in the queue. Lay your emotional damage on your parents, whiners... we have shit to unfuck, and if you fucked your shit up yourself while you're contractually obligated to unfuck it yourself, well, you'd better plan on waiting behind those who didn't.

Kissing ass off. Kicking ass on.

Let's roll!

Sure, I'll get crucified for this, but that's only because Jesus of Nazareth told the Roman centurions that they were looking for the guy yelling about his balls.

Well... um...

He's in the burn ward.

Sure, he loves the baños, but he loveth the burritos, too.

Get well, Bañosolo!

St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock was drunk and using a cell phone when he crashed into a wrecker truck.

I refrained from making the same E1 joke with Josh as I did with Yankees pitcher Corey Lidle

But now that this appears to be a self-inflicted casualty (like one or more of John Kerry's Purple Heart-earning injuries may have been), I guess it's time for the gallows humor...

New Cardinals Bullpen Motto: "Blow Point Tens, Not Saves."

Apparently, these are the new digs planned for the new office Downtown.

I've been hearing a lot about raises and paying techs reasonable wages and such.

Good. Because I think there'd be a riot and a few lynchings if they were to move operations Downtown into the middle of a trendy area like that, and you keep the grunts and drones paid as subsistence-wages.

We'll see how it all turns out.

Someone messaged me this morning something very itneresting.

Let's say Sarkozy wins.

During his most recent trips to the Middle East he visited Israel but never went to the Palestinian territories. And he has been very critical of Hamas and Hezbollah.

Hrm... that's a lot different than Jacques Chirac. And Selene Royal, who was just as soon melt down her gold jewelry for a shining scimitar for Israel's enemies to hack it to bits with:

In early December 2006 controversy followed a brief tour of the Middle East. Meeting Hezbollah politician Ali Ammar, she took exception to his use of the euphemism "Zionist entity," but failed to take issue with his comparison of the Palestinian territories to the France under German occupation during World War II. This attracted criticism in France and in Israel which Royal visited next. However, the French ambassador to Lebanon, Bernard Emié, backed her explanation that she did not hear "the offending remarks" - the discussion took place via an interpreter supplied by the Lebanese parliament.[31] In the same visit, Royal thanked the minister for being so "frank" when he described US foreign policy in the Middle East as "unlimited American insanity."

Once again, let's say Nick wins.

Well, Sarkozy will become Surrenderer In Chief of the French armed forces.

Technically, French medical records are restricted based on the wishes of the families.

However, Yasser Arafat died at a military hospital so that Chirac could have ultimate control of those medical records.

A private institution would be legally bound to keep records private, but all it takes is one janitor and a very large check to get anything into the tabloids or some intelligence officer's hand.

A military hospital, however, that's a different matter. Chirac, as their ultimate boss without those messy courts and law enforcement agencies in between him and his minions, could make sure that nobody would leak out information he didn't want leaked out. His visits were part propaganda/photo-op but mostly "Fuck with me, and you find yourself in Haiti treating machete-wielding AIDS patients" implied threats.

Sarkozy is not exactly a stalwart ally of Israel, but he's no lover of terrorists posing as diplomats and negotiating partners, either, whether foreign or domestic.

If pushed to the wall by local Islamic authorities for his tough stance on immigration and religious appeasement-subsidies of mosques that anti-nativist residents use to organize themselves, would Sarkozy threaten release the medical records to potentially reveal once and for all that it was a combination of AIDS complications and alcohol-induced cirrhosis that killed Arafat?

The Rockets are out.

And there was much rejoicing.

Look, folks. This is Baseball Season.

It's time of the year for the sport where white people bitch about not enough white people in the league to go away and for the one where black people bitch about not enough black people in the league to get our full, undivided attention.

As for those of you thinking it's Dynamo Season, well, I'd like to shake your hand.

Oops. Can't use hands in Soccer.

Never mind.

How about you just get down on your knees and...

On second thought, never mind that as well.

There's enough sucking going on the field there as well as with Oliver Lucky trying to suck at the taxpayers' teat for a new stadium.

After weeks of hype and buzz, The Opening Of Capone's Sex Vault will not quite happen as promoted:

There was an almost audible sigh of relief in parts of America's capital this weekend after a TV network said it would not reveal the identities of scores of clients of the alleged "DC madam" because they were not well enough known to be "newsworthy".

ABC News said that, having ploughed through 46lbs of phone records, it had discovered that among the clients of Deborah Palfrey's alleged prostitution ring were senior business executives, Nasa officials and at least five military officers. And among the women working for Ms Palfrey - who ran the network in Washington DC from her home in California - were an instructor at the US Naval Academy and a legal secretary at a prominent law firm. The secretary was suspended after telling her bosses she worked for Ms Palfrey "for spa money".

So, were any employees of ABC or Disney on that list?

BREAKING NEWS (HOUSTON - Ghosts of Neville Chamberlain, Adolf Hitler congratulate Drayton McClaine for outdoing them in "Worst Negotiations In History" contest.

Before Yasser Arafat left for America to meet with Bill Clinton and Ehud Barak, plans were already in place for Palestinians to riot at the "news" that he'd rejected all of the terms presented to him.

Before Selene Royal lost this weekend's elections in France, did she or her campaign discuss with local imams the final preparations for riots among the "immigrant" population?

I suspect that when the dinosaurs died out, they didn't see the meteor and climate change coming, so they didn't do swan-dives off of cliffs like stockbrokers did out of windows in 1929.

Imagine, a dinosaur made out of newspaper... leaping... diving...

In other news, Lileks got shifted (and shafted) from Features to News.

Why does Ted Ishler come to mind?

What happened last week on the catcams?

That's what happened.

[STARDATE 83228.34 - CAPTAIN'S BLOG]

FIRED THE CHIEF ENGINEER.

RULE OF THUMB: IF YOU SEE "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT DILITHIUM" ON THE PACKAGE, DO NOT PUT IT IN THE WARP CORE.

I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE FIRED HIM AFTER HE LANDED THE SHIP ON AN M-CLASS PLANET AND "ADJUSTED" THE SHIELD FREQUENCIES TO HOLD A GRATEFUL DEAD BOOTLEG CONCERT.

THE ANSWER TO "YOU ARE AWARE THAT THIS VIOLATES THE PRIME DIRECTIVE, RIGHT?" SHOULD NOT BE "GROOVY."

THE REST OF MY OFFICERS ARE JUST AS BAD.

ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M JUST GOING TO SNEAK OFF TO THE BATTLE BRIDGE, RELEASE THE SAUCER SECTION, AND BLAST IT INTO ATOMS.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHY IS THERE A BATTLE BRIDGE? WHY NOT JUST PUT THE BRIDGE DOWN THERE AND FLIP OFF THE SAUCER SECTION?

WE CAN TRANSFER COMMAND FUNCTIONS ANYWHERE, YOU KNOW. WE COULD ALL HUDDLE IN THE TOILET WHILE BLOWING UP STAR SYSTEMS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

SPEAKING OF BLOWING UP STAR SYSTEMS, GETTING BLOWN-UP STAR SYSTEMS REMOVED FROM STELLAR CARTOGRAPHY IS A LOT MORE DIFFICULT THAN HITTING A SIMPLE DELETE KEY.

COMMANDER DROK THOUGHT SHE COULD USE WHITE-OUT, AND WE WOUND UP BEING ASSIGNED TO SOME BRAND-NEW STRANGE "NEBULA" THAT POPPED UP IN OUR PROXIMITY JUST SUDDENLY.

DROK WROTE UP SOME BULLSHIT PAPER, SENT IT TO STARTFLEET, AND GOT A PROMOTION.

FUCKIN' FIGURES.

People are already saying there's a miracle survivor in Greenberg.

You know, because God laying waste to an entire town and saving a person, well, that's a miracle in action from an all-caring, all-loving, all-knowing being.

Mary Sit joins the Screwed By METRO Club.

You know, I'd be thrilled to be delayed by a breakdown or an overloaded bus, but the 9 and 102 are always out of sync in the evenings because drivers don't stop and rest at timed stops when they're early.

I've called, written, and filled out forms.

After a week, maybe the problem gets taken care of temporarily, but it comes back.

There's no point to complaining anymore. I'll just continue to mock it and document it, and maybe METRO's more dedicated detractors can use it as ammunition in own futile war against the parasitic, unelected transit authority in this region.

All American Shorthair Ginger Classic Tabby Polydactyl:

No cereal filler, artificial colors, artificial flavors, or preservatives.

A message just went out to completely verify access information for any call regarding a particular account.

We're supposed to be doing this anyway, so it doesn't make much sense for them to be reminding us to do this.

If there's specific techs not verifying information, discipline them. Don't punish and/or threatened everyone for the bad habits of a few.

This is what happens when you run low on headcount and every single employee, whether good or bad, is a necessary body filling a chair.

If you staff adequately, you'll have a freer hand at dealing with problem employees.

If you staff and train wisely, your problem employees will become good employees... or you'd have never hired them in the first place.

The previous ownership operated on Management By Threat.

Every directive was a threat, and sometimes they didn't have any guidance.

DON'T DO F!
(Um, what should I do?)
DON'T DO F!
(Um, what's the proper procedure?)
DON'T DO F!
(Hello?)
STOP QUESTIONING US!
(Well, go F- yourselves!)

And, in the end, they did.

The jury is suggesting that the numbercruncher Slade used to sponge off of TSU get sent to prison for ten years.

Whatever sentence Wiggins gets, it only stands to reason that Slade get equal or more time.

As for all the people in the community standing behind Slade and Wiggins for the sole sake of racial solidarity, I've got news for you: you are not helping this country heal its racial divisions or bring out the dream of social equality.

No, you're just exploiting and perpetuating the frustrating continuance of this sick inequality and source of pain for all society.

You're not leaders. You're parasites.

People, it's time for a change. It's time to skim off the bubbling, putrid masses that have collected on the top of this stagnant pond we call society, and we need to make a difference in all of our lives.

Instead of following a leader because they say they are a leader, we need to look into others for the qualities that allow a person to lead: wisdom, integrity, honesty, and courage.

If you're among the downtrodden and weak, it's important you choose your leaders and fights wisely, police your own, and if you're incapable of leading the charge without putting your hand in the till, raise your children so that they have enough moral integrity not to.

Because on this side of the race fence, things aren't much better. And if y'all end up raising a generation of integrity and moral character, together we will all look to them to help guide us into the future.

imagine a world
in which disney
threatens daycare centers
for painting
their characters
on a front window,
but they ignore
savage, bloodthirsty maniacs
using their characters
on television
to tell kids:
"kill jews"

We looked everywhere for Frisky.

He wasn't inside.

He wasn't anywhere nearby outside.

It was as if he'd vanished.

We were worried.

At 5:00AM, I woke up.

I walked to the sliding glass door, opened it up, and Frisky came running inside.

I put him on the bed and told him to apologize.

The Socialists are bitching about Nikolas Sarkozi because they are too cowardly to confront the real issue: young thugs of a mostly "immigrant" nature burning cars and riots.

Or, perhaps they're working with them?

Al Sharpton (I refuse to call him "Reverend" any more) toys with the scalp in his hands and ponders offering up his own...

The Rev. Al Sharpton, who recently urged that radio host Don Imus be fired for making a racially insensitive remark, said in a debate that "those who really believe in God will defeat" Republican Mitt Romney for the White House.

His rationalization afterwards reads like the Monty Python sketch where famous poets and wits were attributing outlandish insults of the King to each other.

We're pretty tight on inventory right now, so I'm not sure why we have fully-staffed Sales and Marketing Departments while Support has a lot of empty seats.

Back in my days at that place, I remember some old dude from Corporate saying that he'd always be convinced to hire another salesperson.

Never mind that commercial spots were overbooked, and every time they'd sell a spot for something more, they'd end up having to give out more to the advertisers that got bumped to make room for the expensive spot.

Or the fact that when the place would be in full system meltdown, they didn't have the technical expertise or bodies to throw at the problem to get it resolved quickly. Instead, commercial spots would be blown out, and it would cost more in losses than any additional advertising revenue brought in.

Anyway, I look at this ticket, and the customer is saying they don't know what Reverse DNS is or PTR Records are.

They have a server, but don't know what those things are.

It's like asking your doctor: "This is the thing I piss with... now, where's the thing I fuck with?"

Or maybe not. Maybe it's like someone at a car dealership buying a car and then not knowing what the pedal on the right is for.

When the bled-dry Support group wastes time on this garbage, they can't spend that time solving the problems of people with legitimate issues.

That results in good customers getting angry, frustrated, impatient... and they leave.

Perhaps there needs to be a concept of Unsales. This would be a group of Unsalesmen who collect up a list of customers who, through their own willful ignorance or belligerence, cost the company money through their violations of the sales agreement between the two parties.

I'm not sure how the process would work or what legalities would have to be in place, but even a goddamned restaurant can throw someone out of their establishment if someone's just standing at the counter, asking retarded questions or being willfully difficult. Or they can refuse to serve someone who complains about their meal every time, fishing for a freebie. ("If you don't like the food here, don't come back.")

Furthermore, there should be a set of minimum requirements and skills to purchase one of these things. Before the credit card is run through, answer the questions and score 90% or over.

Can't score that? Then from our experience, you're buying service from the wrong people... thank you for your interest, come back when you're serious.

I guess that's like some car dealerships that will only sell very expensive, limited-run cars to those with good references and a track record of treating their vehicles well.

After all, if you were with a Bentley dealership and saw a Bentley in disrepair on the road, belching smoke and grime, you'd think it was poor advertising for that engineering marvel and want it off the road, right? Or never sold to that individual in the first place.

*sigh* It's all a pipe dream, isn't it?

Law and Order might move to TNT?

Still, reducing budget to cable standards still will be a major factor for the deals to be made.

Maybe they can use handpuppets?

THis book features some of the best goddamned kickass writing you'll ever read.

(Then, when you get beyond the foreword, some pretty good 100 word stories, too.)

THEM: You need kids.

ME: Only if I can have 1,000 of them. Nike wants cheap shoes, and they're not making themselves.

[STARDATE 83229.34 - CAPTAIN'S BLOG]

WHAT IS THIS "SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER" CRAP?

WE'RE IN SPACE RIGHT NOW, FLYING AROUND, BLOWING THINGS UP AND STUFF.

SO, WE'RE IN SPACE. NO MORE FRONTIER THERE.

THAT MADE THE FINAL FRONTIER THAT WHOLE TRAVEL-IN-TIME BARRIER.

FINE. BUT TWO HUMPBACK WHALES SWIMMING OFF THE COAST OF STARFLEET KIND OF PROVE THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS WING ONE OF THESE BAD BITCHES AROUND A STAR AT THE RIGHT SPEED, AND YOU'RE BACK IN TIME BOFFING YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

TIME IS NOT THE FINAL FRONTIER.

MAYBE IT'S THOSE PARALLEL DIMENSIONS AND UNIVERSES?

NOPE. WE'RE SCREWING WITH THEM, TOO. BUT AFTER A FEW FORAYS THROUGH THE QUANTUM LAYERS, IT'S NOW STANDARD PROCEDURE TO A FEW WEEKS BEFORE GOING TO THOSE SO WE CAN GROW OUR "EVIL" BEARDS.

WE TRIED TO GLUE THEM ON, BUT COME ON - THESE OTHER DIMENSIONS ARE EVIL, NOT STUPID.

DR. SCRUFFY REFUSED TO ACCELERATE-GROW THE BEARDS. SAID THAT WAS CHEATING AND HIS OWN WOLLY PELT WAS COMPLETELY NATURAL.

UH HUH. I'VE SEEN HIM SPRAYING THAT WHITE CRAP ON HIS BALD PATCHES.

SO, WE HAD TO GROW THEM IN. OF COURSE, WHILE GROWING IN OUR "EVIL" BEARDS, SOME COPIES OF THE CREW FROM A "GOOD" UNIVERSE CAME INTO OURS AND THOUGHT WE WERE THEIR "EVIL" COPIES, AND THEY TRIED TO KILL US ALL.

NEVER MESS AROUND ON SOMEONE'S HOME TURF. POINT-TO-POINT TRANSPORT STOPPED THAT CRAP COLD.

NOW THEY'RE OUT FLOATING IN SPACE.

YOU KNOW, THAT FINAL FRONTIER AND ALL.

I am planning on moving into Podcasters Island tonight.

The clocktower will rise again.

I am also planning on reviving the Podcaster Meetups.

The traditional night is Tuesday night, but I think I'll be posting a poll among SL Podcasters asking what days and times are good for people.

The challenge will be to come up with a way to get as much feedback from the SL Podcasters in a simple and easy fashion.

Sending private messages to each and every member of the Podcasting group or having mass-messages sent out by their owners may be the simplest method at this point.

This is not meant as Spam, but I apologize in advance if anyone perceives it as such and is irritated by this inquiry's presence in their inbox.

Why someone would be annoyed by an invitation to establish a set of convenient nights for discussions, I'm not sure, but some people can be keenly sensitive to the smallest things these days. (Including myself)

Blogging will be light today because I'm disturbed by a dream I had.

These days are ourrrrrrrrrs.

I was dreaming of an Happy Days episode where Joanie got knocked up by Chachie, Ritchie and The Fonz sneak her to Mexico for a back-alley abortion, and Mrs and Mrs. C. send Potzie and Ralph Mouth to go find out where they went.

Guest appearance by Cheech Marin somehow. Or maybe Robin Williams as Mork, who puts the fetus back into Joanie with a quip of "I think you forgot this."

Pat Morita volunteers to cut the baby out with a samurai sword.

Joanie considers, respectfully declines.

Regular blogging will resume tomorrow.

Tammy Faye Baker-Messner is toast, just waiting for the tray to pop up and toss her into The Great Beyond:

In a letter posted Tuesday on her Web site, Messner thanked her "faithful friends" for sending her flowers, cards and gifts as she battles cancer for a third time. The 65-year-old Charlotte resident was first diagnosed with colon cancer in 1996, and she announced in 2004 that the disease had spread to her lungs.

So is her website.

I'm on the fence about Tammy Faye. I can't decide if she's dying a genuinely good person or not.

Was restitution ever made to her victims?

In this age when even a killer can turn his final moments into an act of generosity, what does it say of Tammy Faye being a willing facilitator and apologist for a man such as Jim?

Can that despicable act be overcome with good deeds later in life?

Or do you suspect that her ignorant good-girl act on the talkshows and reality show appearances weren't actually good acts, but just a continuance of her earlier quest for celebrity, fame, and unearned comfort by any means?

When they bury her, will they also bury the mold that made religious exploiters like her?

No more Bakkers.
No more Sharptons.

Hallelujah and amen.

For Steve H. Graham of Hog On Ice:

So, what should I chop next?

I got most of these oneliners in. (Yes, I sketch them in my notepad while waiting to talk.)

"Painini Presses are great for making interesting burn marks on your hands."

"Tuna advocate? What next, Tuna Militancy?"

"You've heard of Turtle Excluding Devices? Well, I invented the Turtle Including Device."

"Hunting cows? Where's the challenge in that? What next, hunting fetuses?"

"I never went cow-tipping. I was always concerned about undertipping and getting thrown out of Fuddruckers."

Anybody believe this garbage?

Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni and Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak agreed Thursday that in the coming weeks an Arab League delegation would visit Israel to hold discussions and present the details of the Arab League peace initiative.

It is set to be the first official visit to Israel by Arab League representatives.

This isn't a plan for a meeting. It's just the set-up for the cancellation of a meeting by the Arabs "in protest" of some event or another.

Mark my words: The Arab League representatives will never willingly set foot in Israel. They've committed to destroy that country and set foot in some place that starts with P, and they will never recognize that they're spent three generations creating a deranged horde of bloodthirsty maniacs.

By transforming an entire sub-set of the Arab World into flesh-encased weaponry with a small sub-culture of diplomacy to provide a facade for the masses to snipe from behind, the Arab League has made it impossible for integration into the Civilized World.

I am getting ready to start auctions for leasing the rights to IFOC subdomains for Presidential, Gubenatorial, Senate, and Representative candidates in the 2008 Elections.

Want hillary.isfullofcrap.com?
Want obama.isfullofcrap.com?

Well, now you'll have your chance.

For two years, you get that A Record pointed to whatever IP address you need it pointed to.

Just the A Record.
No email comes with it, no hosting, no MX records, no blogs, no galleries, no PTRs or fancy stuff like that.
Just the A Record.

That should be enough for you to point http://SOMEONE.isfullofcrap.com/ to your own hosting provider, set up a virt site, and post whatever your heart desires and attorneys allow.

Of course, it goes without saying that there's going to be a period of pre-auction sales. This will allow the candidates and their hatchet-men to put in reasonable bids before the dirty, smelly public gets a chance to bid on them.

I think July 4th is a nice and patriotic day to launch the auctions.

Until then, Mr. Rove, my contact information is in the sidebar.

Operators are standing by.

The Old Regime used to keep everyone in the dark for as long as possible when it came to major system catastrophes.

When we did know there was a major problem or saw a pattern, we were told to... stall? Spin? Feign ignorance? Send them to the forums where they were being "kept informed" with "updates."

The New Regime said this won't happen again. We're now going to communicate and be kept informed.

Major system cratered on Monday.

I thought I saw a ticket or two on symptoms from this system failing, but there wasn't anyone letting us know there was a Big Problem going on.

This morning, I check my inbox, and there's an announcement about it. Plus, a FAQ on what to tell customers affected by it.

It's a well-written, comprehensive email. All bases are covered.

The announcement was made late on Wednesday.

Promptness. Damn it, forgot about the promptess thing.

So, what is this thing that blew sky-high?

When I was at KRIV for a quick walkthrough and tour of Second Life on Friday evening, the cameraguy had a tapeless camera.

Five four-gig chips in slots along the side.

Then he showed me the USB 2.0 and firewire ports.

Same general chassis and lens, but different recording unit.

I wouldn't have known if I hadn't have gotten up and seen for myself. It looked like a "regular" camera.

This is the kind of stuff anybody with a quarter of a brain saw coming from the first day still digital cameras accepted flashcards.

It was only a matter of innovation, effort, time, and telling those people chanting "But this is the way we've always done it!" to shut the fuck up or get the hell out of the business.

If there's anything that got me to settle back and keep quiet for a few days, well, just seeing that camera had me looking back, looking forward, and feeling just a tiny but smug.

Let's repeat the Chant of the Carnival of the Cats, shall we?

The Carnival of the Cats is a weekly roundup of cat-related posts on weblogs. Its purpose is to provide a non-political respite from the vehement echo chamber that the Blogopshere spins itself into during the week, demonstrating that even the mightiest and meekest of pundits have a love of cats in common.

Before we begin, Nardo has a message for Frisky:

"IM UN UR KITTYCAVE,
THINKIN OF LIZRDS"

Thank you, Nardo.

Let's begin the one hundred and sixty-fourth Carnival of the Cats.

Customer writes:
"My admin has been missing for a week."

My potential responses:
"Have you looked behind the sofa?"
"Maybe you should find a new one?"
"I think I saw him on a milk carton. Is he an 8 year-old girl from Idaho?"

Once again, a customer is under the impression that any excuse will get them out of having to administer their server themselves.

This reminds me of the guy sitting in his limo, a cop pulls up, and he tells the cop to drive him around because his chauffeur quit and abandoned him on the side of the road.

Two words come to find: get fucked.

Color me old-fashioned, but does some chick with a punting-pole make a lick of difference in the quest for gender-equality?

She'd do more to strike a blow for equality by beating people with that stick than shoving them around a bunch of surface-sewers in a drowning city.

EU Technocrat demands that everyone support the so-called Palestinian "Unity Government" between two terror groups dividing up the world's billions for their Swiss bank accounts.

Meanwhile, the so-called linchpin of the "Unity Government" just dropped his red binder and ran for daylight.

Yup. This is going to be amusing.

Jerusalem is losing 6,000 Jewish residents a year.

Have you checked behind the sofa?

I know of a certain group of Belgian nurses that would volunteer to cure this coma with a can of gasoline and a cigarette lighter.

Checking my inbox, it seems that our CEO has started a WordPress weblog hosted at WordPress.

Oh boy. Whoop (yawn).

(At least it's not a fucking ugly-assed yellow Lamborghini)

I do not think this will go far in inspiring confidence in the company's offerings, demonstrating that we apparently cannot set up a server, secure it, install WordPress on it, and point a subdomain at it.

But then, I'm a pessimist and a cynic when it comes to business,