This Blog Is Full Of Crap

Most deadpools use a 25-person roster.

This is who I've selected:

• Van Buren,Abigail - Her advice-giving days are long over. I think she'll be hitting the Dead Letter Office soon.

• Sharon,Ariel - There's no way he'll last another year in that state.

• Bakker Messner,Tammy Faye - She was looking pretty bad on her last Larry King appearance.

• Getty,Estelle - Phoning it in with Golden Girls DVD releases and such.

• Buchwald,Art - Medical miracles don't happen. He bounced, and will fall hard. DEAD ON JANUARY 18

• Farrakhan,Louis - Advanced prostate cancer. Invented the Klan For Blacks. Wishful thinking.

• Pavorati,Luciano - I don't think he's going to follow doctors' orders with his pancreatic cancer.

• Pinter,Harold - He's missed an awards ceremony or two. An ego like that need stroking in person.

• Ali,Muhammad - Parkinsons takes a long time... I think this will be it.

• Haniyeh,Ismail - Abbas will have him whacked or will ask Olmert to airstrike him once and for all.

• Abbas,Mahmoud - Haniyeh will have him whacked. Wishful thinking.

• Castro,Fidel - Nobody in their right mind calls for a Spanish doctor.

• Fogelberg,Dan - Advanced prostate cancer, not making music.

• Harvey,Paul - Cutting back on the broadcasts.

• Malden,Karl - Missing public appearances.

• Thatcher,Margaret - Touch-and-go with public appearances.

• Johnson,Lady Bird - Low-hanging fruit.

• Astor,Brooke - Low-hanging fruit.

• Randi,James - I needed a random pick, and this one felt like a given.

• Graham,Billy - Suffering from everything Pope JP2 did except for the bad wardrobe.

• Kervorkian,Jack - He's getting released for medical reasons.

• Khan,A. Q. - Advanced prostate cancer, probably other cancers from helping smuggle radioactive substances. Wishful thinking.

• Cronkite,Walter - Boating accident.

• DeBakey,Michael - Getting the best medical care that he invented, won't last forever.

• Mandela,Nelson - Public appearances are over.

Blogging will be light today.

It's a resolution of mine.

You know, to be a light blogger.

Regular blogging will resume tomorrow.

The rising star schtick was started last year as an attempt to establish a New Year's tradition in Houston, but didn't reappear this year.

Carol "Bonus Time" Alvorado claimed that it takes more than a year to plan things like the New Year's Eve celebration Downtown, which is why there was no "rising star" this year.

However, New Orleans started doing the "falling pot of gumbo" schtick last year after Katrina. And they managed to do it again this year.

Are you trying to tell me that New Orleans, the most screwed-up municipality on the face of the planet, can organize an event better than Houston, Carol Alvorado?

San Antonio had fireworks off of their tower. No fireworks off of the Ferris Wheel (or holiday lighting in Galveston for that matter). I guess Tillman Fertita doesn't give a shit about this town unless he's behind the backstop watching Astros games... or is he just trying to keep an eye on his crappy overpriced restaurant?

Mayor White? Ringing in the New Year... in Colorado.

White, vacationing in Colorado, issued a statement thanking Tollett for his years of service to the city and wishing him well.

And you dumbasses will re-elect Baldy for another two years until LULAC can completely whitewash Alvorado's stained track record.

Everybody needs a Partycat...

Nardo didn't feel like hugging on me for long, so he headed to the other end of the couch...

And he watched to clock until he fell asleep.

It was in Frisky's Kittycave!

So I pulled out the infrared camera (I should have bought 3 on woot!) and stuck the end of it into his cave to find...

Frisky was having a private party in his kittycave!

Here's a few more photos...

From Mile High to Six Feet Under...

Denver Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams was shot and killed in a drive-by shooting early Monday, his limousine sprayed with bullets in downtown Denver just hours after the team was elimated from the NFL playoffs.

Al Sharpton is trying to figure out how to blame NYPD for this.

Team spokesman Jim Saccomano said police called him about 3 a.m. from the scene and told him three people had been shot, and the 24-year-old Williams had been killed.

"Just in case you're wondering why he's not returning your phone calls at Spring Training."

A little after 2 a.m., a white Hummer limousine was fired on from a vehicle that pulled up along its side, police spokesman Sonny Jackson said.

What? This Hummer wasn't uparmored?

I blame the military for taking up all the armor kits for Hummer! I blame Bush and Rumsfeld and their illegal war!

Three people in the limo were hit and were taken to hospitals, where one man was pronounced dead, Jackson said. The other man and woman who were shot were not identified.

Obviously, they were two devout individuals that this player kindly offered to take to Early Mass.

Jackson said police were searching for suspects and interviewing witnesses.

Well ,they certainly aren't getting any autographs from his player, I'll tell you that.

"We have no motive yet," Jackson said. "We're hoping to talk with witnesses to find out where they were coming from, and that might give us some clues."

Maybe the driver blew through a school zone at 55 and Neighborhood Watch had been hitting the booze a bit hard?

Saccomano said he spoke with coach Mike Shanahan and others in the organization. Hours earlier, the Broncos lost to San Francisco 26-23 in overtime.

"Complete shock. We're speechless. It takes words away. A terrible tragedy," Saccomano said.

Nothing's more pathetic than a spokesman who has his words taken away. They should have a telethon for that.

Pro Bowl player Champ Bailey was among the players and team staff members who gathered at Denver Health Medical Center, where Williams' body was taken.

That's gotta suck, going to the ER to see your teammate's corpse.

Especially if you're losing your buzz.

"He had a big heart and a lot of courage," said Cedric Smith, assistant strength and conditioning coach. "It's a tragedy, a complete tragedy. It's sickening."

And we all know what a big heart means... a really big target.

Williams teamed with Bailey to give Denver one of the top cornerback tandems in the NFL. Williams finished the season with 88 tackles, 78 of them solo, and four interceptions.

Uh huh. More like they both finished the season unable to stop the Niners from marching down the field to get within field goal range.... NINERS!

Players and coaches are off Monday. They were scheduled to meet Tuesday before heading home for the offseason.

How many players do you think are secretly thinking "Whew... this is going to keep them from yelling at me for blowing that game... it's gonna be a short meeting, and then I can go deposit my gigantic check."

On Sunday against the 49ers, Williams had three tackles and returned two punts for 50 yards before leaving the game with a shoulder injury late in the second half. After the game he said he was planning to wait a few weeks before determining if he needed an operation.

I sure how he wasn't thinking that when they rolled him into the ER. You really don't want to wait a few weeks when you have large holes in you.

In December, Williams spoke of his desire to return to his hometown of Fort Worth, Texas, this offseason to talk to kids about staying out of gangs.

I guess he's going back there anyway.

Williams, a second-round draft pick out of Oklahoma State in 2005, made an immediate impact on the Broncos. He started nine times in his rookie season following a stellar college career.

If only Charley Casserly had picked him. Then he'd be on the crappiest team in the NFL, begging his agent for a trade instead of cooling in the morgue.

The white stretch Hummer limousine sat in a snowbank beside Speer Boulevard, a main street through downtown Denver. On the driver's side, at least three bullet holes were visible near the front, and four more near the back.

I wonder if they can repair those. Seems like a waste of a perfectly good limo to me.

My wife got a stretch Hummer limo for a wedding this past year for some friends... it was pretty nice.

And no bullet holes, either.

Police and evidence technicians worked amid snow and ice from recent storms, using small tent-like yellow plastic markers to indicate possible pieces of evidence.

Really? No, come on? Yellow markers?

You'd think for New Year's they'd use colored party hats.

Well, thank God.

Now he can grow up to be a Denver Bronco.

I've decided to try something new by starting Kitty Movie Monday.

This is where I post a Kitty Movie every Monday to YouTube and invite people to do the same.

This is Nardo enjoying a little New Year's Eve sunnytime.

Anyone wishing to participate in Kitty Movie Monday are welcome to post links to their Kitty Movies in the comments and, if they're up at YouTube, add them to the Kitty Movie Monday Youtube Group.

Grace's family and Cabernet's family sent some presents to the orangeboys here...

It's containers of catgrass seeds, which I will be trying to grow despite it being the dead of winter here.

Still, we get plenty of sun, and it will be interesting to see if the grass sprouts up despite the above-freezing cold.

They also got some peacock feathers which they'll demonstrate in the coming days in kittymovies.

Thanks, and here's to a healthy and happy 2007.

Dear Yasser,

Love,
Kofi

Do a Google Search for "Saddam Dead"

Oh, here... let me save you the trouble...

Islam Online's Q/A:

Question: The tins of cat food include pork. Is it permissible to buy them for cats?

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Praise be to Allaah. We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-'Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows:

If you buy the tins, then it is not permissible, because it is not permissible to pay for pork and buy it. But if a person finds it by chance and feeds it to his cat, then there is nothing wrong with that. And Allaah knows best.

Abraham Lincoln:

I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.

A big thank you goes out to Reuters...

Because as much as some terrorist getting his head shaved isn't news, at least they didn't show the guy getting his pubes trimmed.

Blogging will be light today because I'm beating the crap out of everybody who is saying they're a lifelong Boise State fan.

Come on, people. Before the Fiesta Bowl, you never heard of Boise State. Probably didn't even know that it was the capital of Idaho.

Can you find Idaho on a map?

Yeah, it's got potatoes there. But can you find it on a map?

Quit sniffing the map for the smell of potatoes and show me, dammit.

No, that's Missouri, the Show Me State. Ha ha, very funny.

Prepare to have the crap beaten out of you, poser.

Regular blogging will resume tomorrow.

Tummy Tuesday is the brainchild of LisaViolet, who has many kitty tummies to share with the masses.

Here's Nardo on his back, soaking up the sun...

It's a photo I took during the whole Kitty Movie Monday thing yesterday...

Honor Lisaviolet and post a photo of your cat's tummy today! Be sure to tag your post Tummy Tuesday in Technorati, too.

I didn't realize there was another catblogging meme for Tuesday called "Tuesday Toesday" but it seems Beezer knows all about it.

If Beezer does it, I should do it.

Here's Nardo's big mutant thumbs...

Even though Nardo's paws are the most interesting, Piper was really the toe-model kitty.

Another Tuesday catblogging meme?

Sure, why the heck not.

Grace's family and Cabernet's family sent some more presents to the orangeboys...

And...

Feathers!

I had Nardo jumping all over the couch, chasing that feather and going absolutely nuts over it.

We keep the feathers is i nthe bottom drawer of the coffee table. We used to keep feathers in the shelves, but Nardo kept pulling them out of the shelf.

Do you think that this crate was marked "relief supplies" by UNRWA?

An explosion in the northern Gaza Strip town of Beit Lahia on Tuesday killed one Hamas activist and injured three others, security officials said.

The three were carrying an explosive device or projectile, which accidentally fell and blew up, they said.

They were trying to "secure" an outpost of the auxiliary security force loyal to the ruling Palestinian movement against possible attacks by gunmen of the rival Fatah movement, a day after at least two people were injured and more than a dozen kidnapped in fresh clashes between the two groups.

Wait... a Hamasshole got killed moving the ammunition?

I thought they used children for that.

A rose by any other name is still a rose, and a bench-riding cripple by any other name is still a bench-riding cripple.

When Domanick Davis cleaned out his locker Monday, he had a rare request. He wanted his name plate and number removed also.

The next time the fourth-year running back suits up for the Texans he will be Domanick Williams and wear No. 31. He legally changed his name two months ago to Williams, his mother's maiden name.

What? He didn't get it changed to Bagwell?

I'm sure he's going to make sure that the Texans' checks get updated, too.

Can't miss a paycheck for being a professional gimp, you know.

Few in the Texans organization were aware that Williams had changed his last name. Cornerback Dunta Robinson said he hopes the changes continue.

"He changed his hair, his clothes and his name," Robinson said. "I hope he changes his knee too."

The only way he'll get his old job back is it he changes his name to "Ron Dayne" or "Chris Taylor."

I slammed out two quick stories to catch up for the week on the 100 word stories site, the second one just flowing from the keys quickly.

Yes, I know. If you check camera #7, you know the tree has yet to come down.

But it's the first thing that comes to mind.

I should have recorded Ulysses With A Sneer this weekend, but I didn't feel like it.

I'll probably record the lines tonight and be very disappointed at the results.

I may try a King Bonk approach to it and see if I like it.

Is Frisky getting territorial now?

While I was taking a nap, the Tuxie showed up and Frisky got curious.

I was also told that the fluffy black interloper showed up and Frisky leapt at the screen door, but it all happened so quickly that the archives didn't capture it.

Should I put the IR camera back over Bourbon Street or should I leave it in the Friskycave?

Leave your vote in the comments.

(No, I'm not going to use a poll. I don't give a rat's ass about what people think when they just click a button instead of taking the time to write out a comment.)

We tell a guy that his server is requesting an FSCK, so we ask him if he wants us to proceed with the FSCK or to skip it so he can make backups (and then, presumably, run an FSCK).

The choices are: A) or B).

He replied back "Whatever you suggest."

You know, so when everything goes wrong, he can blame us.

Is this a paranoid response?

Hardly. Seen it dozens of times. Any time they leave the decision up to us and we end up making a decision with bad results, the customer screams.

This time, all's well that ended well.

But next time?

We'll see.

All you need to play Saddam is a box, a rope, and a big sister, apparently.

So, what's the minimum age to win a Darwin Award?

Apparently, the Democrats think that the perfect reward for a district that keeps voting for people so horribly incompetent that they can't be trusted to run their own local municipal affairs without Congressional oversight is... um... allowing them a voice in screwing up national affairs:

After more than 200 years of paying taxes, fighting in the nation's wars and abiding by sometimes arbitrary acts of Congress, Washington residents are close to getting a full-fledged representative in the House.

The turning point in this long battle for enfranchisement may be an unlikely partnership with the people of Utah.

The new Democratic majority, in the first months of the new Congress, is expected to take up a bill that would increase the voting membership of the House from 435 to 437, giving new vote each to Utah, a Republican stronghold, and the District of Columbia, dominated by Democrats.

Of course, it has nothing to do with them electing irresponsible corrupt crackheads over and over and over... it's racist against blacks:

Ilir Zherka, executive director of DC Vote, an advocacy group seeking voting representation in the House and Senate, said racist attitudes toward Washington, with its heavily black population since the Civil War, long have been a factor, particularly in the 1950s and 1960s when the demands for equal rights and statehood became more vocal in the city.

Strange... I thought cocaine was white.

Maybe when D.C. gets wiped off the face of the earth by Iran, the U.S. will build a new capitol somewhat more centrally located that doesn't turn into a gigantic housing project that makes New Orleans look well-managed.

My wife asked me if I wanted a Wii or a Playstation for Christmas.

I said no.

But now that I've seen this video, I'm reconsidering my decision...

Blogging will be light today because I got a visit from my Uncle Sam.

He dresses in red, white and blue... top hat, spats... perhaps you've heard of him?

Anyway, he came by to bitch about Aunty American.

He slugged down a few shots of Kentucky bourbon and just went off like a firecracker.

"goddamned traitor"
"Hollywood bitch"
"liberal cunt"

Then he made me take out my voter registration card just to prove that I still love him.

I'm worried about Uncle Same. He's taken a few hits recently, and I don't think he can take much more.

He's strong, though. He'll get through this.

Despite what Aunty American keeps doing to the poor old man.

Regular blogging will resume tomorrow.

Nardo likes the soft cushion of the old red blankie...

Is there a Wednesday meme for catblogging? Maybe Wide Load Wednesday?

If there isn't, there needs to be.

An Al-Aqsa got martyred today:

A member of a militant group close to Palestinian president Mahmud Abbas's Fatah party has been killed and five people were wounded in subsequent clashes between Fatah and Hamas gunmen in northern Gaza, security sources and medics said.

Ala Mohammed Ainaya, a member of the Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, was shot as he was leaving his house in Jabaliya, the sources said Wednesday.

The 25-year-old was close to a local Fatah leader in the northern Gaza town, they said.

Don't you just love how AFP does backflips to avoid the fact that there isn't just a direct relationship between Al-Aqsa and Fateh, but they're part of the same command-and-control structure that goes all the way up to Mahmoud Abbas?

Anyway, since this was a red on red killing, no squares for the IDF in the Palestinian Terrorist Bingo over at Misha's.

Play on!

Ismail Haniyeh is cutting short his tour of Arab countries.

I guess his suitcase is so full of money he's having a hard time stuffing in more

Watch for him to get blocked at Rafah again and the EUnuchs to scurry away instead of confronting him.

I finally recorded my tale for Pickle Tales... it came out to 10 minutes even.

I need to cut it down to 7, so I got hacking... and hacking... and hacking...

Down to 7 minutes and 49 seconds. Still a lot to go, since I want to add in some time for the listener to absorb the tale and not get run over like manata did with his first-round lightning-fast story.

If you want a preview, write or IM me and I'll give you the URL.

Today's story at 100 Words is a cheap plug for FrankJ's new book.

I did a plug for his book at Saddam Is Full Of Crap, too. Might as well take advantage of all the perverted nutcases searching for "saddam dead" on Google, right?

Frisky watches the interloper...

And we watch Frisky.

From his editorial in the WSJ today:

One important message I took away from the election is that people want to end the secretive process by which Washington insiders are able to slip into legislation billions of dollars of pork-barrel projects that have never been reviewed or voted on by Congress. I'm glad Senator Robert Byrd and Congressman Dave Obey--the Democrats who will lead the appropriations process in the new Congress--heard that message, too, and have indicated they will refrain from including additional earmarks in the continuing resolution for this fiscal year.

Robert Byrd, in charge of appropriations, not loading up on porkbarrel projects?

That's like making Willie Nelson the Agriculture Secretary and telling him to focus on soybeans and corn.

But then, it's Bush. He's the same guy who calls Mahmoud Abbas a partner for peace and considers the Sauis and the Pakistanis our allies in the War On Terror.

So, how many of you people out there are still drinking egg nog?

How about playing Christmas music?

I know... you're chowing down on fruitcake.

No, really - hands up... let's see 'em...

Starbucks is eliminating trans-fats in its baked goods in various stores across the country today...

Standalone Starbucks stores in Seattle, Washington; San Francisco, California; Chicago, Illinois; Los Angeles, California; San Diego, California; Boston, Massachusetts; New York; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Washington; and Portland, Oregon will have zero trans fats in their food beginning Wednesday, Borrman said.

Fat City keeps its transfats... for now.

Why do companies insist on changing benefits programs over the New Year's holiday?

I don't have my new medical plan card yet. Apparently, the new ones are still on the way.

I've got a prescription to get refilled, and I need to see if my current doctor is on the list or if I need to go hunting for a new one.

So they hand out a URL for registering for the benefits company to print a temporary card, but I try to register... and the registration fails.

There's an 888 number. I call, and the Helpdesk sucks... they have no clue about accounts.

Okay, what about the snakeoil salesman who came in to tell us how wonderful this new plan is... oops, I mean benefits consultant.

The benefits consultant isn't answering voicemails. Must have slipped and fallen on some spilled snakeoil.

Our HR person, who sent out a list of links and phone numbers with a hearty Good Luck! hasn't responded to my email from yesterday.

Another HR Droid walks by... they get roped in, look at the signup form, scratch their heads.

"Maybe they haven't gotten the list yet?"

Which means the exercise of going to the registration form and calling all the numbers and sending the emails was all just possibly a runaround.

Yeah, I'm a happy guy. Feeling mighty loved and respected by my employers here. So glad they're saying they're paying more of a percentage of my health care costs than before...

I open my wallet, look at the useless expired old-plan insurance card, and growl.

Two screwups by METRO in a row... wonderful.

Time to bitch at them yet again...

Thanks for the new driver on the morning run.

Now teach them the timetable for the route, please. They were at Newcastle & Westpark at 6:46am, four minutes early. Two of the regulars had to run through the parking lot the moment we notices the METRO bus through the fence nearly running past the stop.

When confronted, the driver said she was "on time." Never mind that the Q-Pass box showed 6:47 when we both boarded (which was identical to my cell phone clock, and my cell phone was synced to the displays at the DTC rail station when we arrived).

Please impress upon the drivers of this route that there is a published timetable, what the times are, and that even though there isn't a huge ridership on this line like other drivers... those few passengers depend on drivers not to be too early (and then claim to be on time).

-----------------------------------------

As for the continuing problems with the 4:43pm stop at the DTC (St. Joseph & Main), I was at Milam & Jefferson right at 4:44. Based on the timetable and a map, the 9 has to make 2 turns and cross the train tracks. Plus, there's the DTC stop. In all fairness, the bus should either be there around 4:44 or 4:45.

You'd think i could see the 9 pulling away down Milam at 4:44, but it was long gone. Nothing along Milam but cars, and I've got pretty good eyes in the daytime

Once again, she's early. Too early.

For the third time: FIX IT.

And the robot says:

Thank you for your input. Your comments regarding METRO will be forwarded to the appropriate department for investigation and handling. Please reference Public Comment #303479 should you have any future questions or inquiries regarding this matter.

There's talk of the offices moving Downtown at some point in the summer.

If I don't have another job by then, well, it'll be nice to cut out the 9 to 102 connection bullshit that's killing me and just have the 9's crap to deal with.

UPDATE:
I know, it's weird updating a post for 17:00 at 09:30, but I had a talk with Richard F. at METRO's Fallbrook facility.

He's going to talk to supervisors to watch both the Newcastle & Westpark and the DTC stops for problems.

I'll get better at recording bus numbers... but, hey - I'd report in the bus number for the DTC issues, but since earlybitch blows through there before I can get to it, it's kind of hard to read the number off of a bus that was 6 freaking minutes early.

You know, considering my expertise with catcams, it wouldn't take much to rig up the Hawking with a Verizon WiFi card and a solar panel for power.

I could post the camera up there and a bandit sign:

DRIVER OF THE 9 BUS

HERE THE THE TIMES FOR YOUR ROUTE:

XX:XX, XX:XX, XX:XX, XX:XX, XX:XX, XX:XX, XX:XX and XX:XX

DO NOT LEAVE THIS TIMED STOP EARLY

YOU WILL BE REPORTED

Hrm... how to keep the bandit sign from getting torn down...

AHA! I could pay for the rights to adopt that particular shelter!

I feel a plan coming together...

AP's Offensive Rookie of the Year was...

The dynamic quarterback for the Tennessee Titans won The Associated Press Offensive Rookie of the Year Award on Wednesday. He did it in the same fashion he turned around the Titans' season -- running away from the rest of the field.

Young, who led Texas to the 2005 national championship and was the third overall pick in last April's draft, overwhelmed one of the strongest rookie classes in NFL history. He received 23 votes from a nationwide panel of 50 sports writers and broadcasters who cover the league.

That easily beat New Orleans wide receiver Marques Colston and Jacksonville running back Maurice Drew, who had nine apiece; San Diego tackle Marcus McNeill (6); and Saints running back Reggie Bush (3).

Who got picked for Defensive Rookie?

Aha... DeMeco Ryans won Defensive Rookie accolades.

Say, didn't we use our first round draft pick for a defensive player?

So hard to remember... what was his name...

The linebacker, chosen at the top of the second round of last April's draft _ 32 spots after the Texans made defensive end Mario Williams the first overall selection _ was a runaway winner of the award announced Wednesday. Ryans led the league in solo tackles with 126, and his 156 total tackles were 33 more than the next-best rookie, Detroit linebacker Ernie Sims.

Oh, Right. The guy who bought Slippery Slade's house.

Headline over at Chron.com: "Texans LB Ryans, Vince Young rookies of year"

That could have been an ampersand instead of a comma, folks.

Baba Wawa: "You're doing a heck of a job, Rosie!"

Barbara Walters is back from vacation -- and she's standing by Rosie O'Donnell in her bitter battle of words with Donald Trump.

Walters, creator of ABC's "The View," said Wednesday on the daytime chat show that she never told Trump she didn't want O'Donnell on the show, as he has claimed. "Nothing could be further from the truth," she said.

"She has brought a new vitality to this show and the ratings prove it," Walters said of O'Donnell, who is on vacation this week. When she returns, Walters said, "We will all welcome her back with open arms."

Walters also took a moment to smooth things over with The Donald, who got all riled up when O'Donnell said on "The View" that he had been "bankrupt so many times."

"ABC has asked me to say this just to clarify things, and I will quote: `Donald Trump has never filed for personal bankruptcy. Several of his casino companies have filed for business bankruptcies. They are out of bankruptcy now,'" Walters said.

If Barbara Walters was the hot-shit journalist her publicity agents claim her to be, she'd have gotten up off her ass and convinced Donald Trump to sit down for an interview for February Sweeps by now.

No, folks, she's not some Grand Dame of Journalism. She's just a celebrity hack, in line with the rest of the hacks for the book tour or movie tour to make the rounds.

Okay, so she's usually near the front of the line (depending on whether Oprah's couch is empty that day), but she's still in line for celebrities and bored dictators to slap her softballs out of the park on their home turf.

There's only one good thing about Baba Wawa's hiring of Rosie...

Prediction: Democrats in Congress stalemate Bush on his United Nations Ambassador pick, John Negroponte returns to his old stomping grounds to fill in the vacancy.

Blogging will be light today because I am writing up an hour-long radio play.

No, really. It will be light today. Busy doing other things.

What? You don't believe me?

Well, I guess I've led you on, saying blogging will be light every morning for the past two years, but this time I'm serious.

Really. No joke.

It's "The Diary of Anne Frankenstein."

Catchy title, isn't it?

Regular blogging will be resume tomorrow.

A few days ago, I mocked the idiocy of a Pakistani boy hanging himself while he and his sister "played Saddam."

I guess everything I said about the kid and family over there applies to the kid and family in Webster:

Webster police Lt. Tom Claunch said officers were called to an apartment in the 800 block of NASA Parkway about 7:30 p.m. on Sunday and found the boy dead.

Sergio Pelico's mother told police he had watched a report on Saddam's death on a Telemundo news broadcast before he hanged himself, Claunch said.

"It appears to be accidental," he said of the boy's death. "Our gut reaction is that he was experimenting."

Experimenting?

Someone should have gotten a chemistry set for Christmas.

A few MKs are finally getting pissed off that Israel isn't good enough to visit for some people...

United States President George W. Bush's refusal's to visit Israel is a "slap in the face," charged a group of opposition and coalition MKs, who urged the prime minister to cancel his trip Thursday to Washington.

Eight Knesset Members, all from the Foreign Affairs and Defense Committee, signed a letter written by former committee chairman MK Yuval Steinitz (Likud), asking Prime Minister Ehud Olmert to cancel his trip. Five of the eight signatures, including MK Yitzhak Aharonovitch (Israel Beiteinu), MK Shlomo Benizri (Shas) and Kadima MKs Otniel Schneller, Shlomo Breznitz and Amira Dotan, are coalition members.

"It is an intolerable situation that in the past 6 years, since Bush came to power, he has refused to visit Israel," said Steinitz. "There is clear code of conduct for allied states, and Bush is not following it. There is a clear lack of respect to Israel." Bush visited Israel once as governor of Texas, for a day in 2000, for a photo opportunity at the Western Wall.

Mark Loretta looks like he'll be an Astro next year:

Mark Loretta will sign with the Houston Astros on Thursday, his agent said.

The agreed-to deal is for one year at $2.5 million, but could be worth as much as $3.5 million with incentives, said Loretta's agent, Bob Garber.

The free-agent second baseman had multiple offers, including ones from the Texas Rangers and Cincinnati Reds. While the Rangers offered more money, Garber said Houston was a better opportunity.

Craig Biggio has long been entrenched as the starting second baseman for the Astros. But Garber said Loretta, who has also played first, third and shortstop during his career, will play "all over the infield" for Houston.

They've already signed Bruntlett, so does this mean Ensberg is out? Lamb?

Or are they planning on Burke and Bruntlett in center and want Loretta to back up Biggio at second?

Everybody's favorite Fake Texan didn't go to the Medical Center to get his other hip replaced.

The surgery, completed by 7 a.m. Wednesday morning, was a success, said Mayo Clinic spokesman Adam Brase. He said the 82-year-old former president was undergoing physical therapy and was expected to be released by Saturday.

Bush traveled to the clinic late Tuesday after attending the Washington funeral of former President Ford, where he delivered a eulogy.

Bush had his left hip replaced at the Mayo Clinic in 2000. His wife, Barbara, also had successful hip replacement surgery there in 1997.

They just come here for baseball games and to pick up any mail that people forget to send up to their real home in Maine.

We're just a tax dodge for good ol 41.

Just wait until they croak... see where they're buried.

You can tell a lot about where a person calls home when it's time for them to be buried there.

Blogging will be light today because the fucktards on the Helpdesk screwed up half of the workstations in the department.

Mine was one of them, so I'm using another workstation.

It's a pain in the ass to get things set up for what I do, but I go through the motions and keep telling myself "Is it four yet?"

Goddamned Helpdesk fucktards, and they're not even running around fixing shit, either.

I read a memo... Helpdesk employees will be in each building starting at 07:00 to assist?

Uh huh. Right.

Suck the other one, it plays Jingle Bells.

Regular blogging will resume tomorrow.

It's Friday, so it's time for Friday Catblogging.

Nardo looks proud...

What's he proud of?

Scaring the crap out of Frisky, of course.

Now, I've got the IR camera pointed into Frisky's kittycave, so when Frisky runs and hides in there, you can watch him curl up and cower.

You can find more examples of Friday catblogging by searching a blog search engine such as Technorati for "catblogging."

You can also find a roundup of catblogging posts at The Friday Ark, located at The Modulator blog.

Then, when the weekend is nearly over, head over to The Carnival of the Cats for more kitty goodness.

There's also Flickr Groups called Furry Friday and Friday Catblogging.

Anybody I miss?

The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein is now 41 pages long in a loose format.

If I turn it into a true screenplay with directions and other crap like that, it should be 50 to 60 pages.

Just enough for the BBC Radio screenplay contest.

Imagine "My Dinner With Andre" but with Goebbels and Hitler.

Yeah, that's it.

The Pelosi Regime is ready to kill the sweetheart no-royalties deals with Big Oil when it comes to offshore exploration and drilling:

Democrats are the new masters of Capitol Hill. And they have their gun sights trained on the oil industry.

Led by newly minted House Speaker Nancy Pelosi of California, House Democrats plan to push through an energy package on Jan. 18 that will target producers who have been able to pump crude in the deep waters of the Gulf of Mexico without paying royalties to Uncle Sam.

Impatient with the scores of oil companies that have refused to renegotiate flawed lease agreements signed with the Interior Department back in 1998 and 1999, Democrats are pondering proposals that would either bar those producers from leasing new acreage in the Gulf or slap them with a special "conservation of resources" fee or -- perhaps -- both.

"It's really a simple thing," said New York Rep. Maurice Hinchey, a key Democratic voice in the House on energy policy. "They're taking property from people and not paying those people for the property they are taking. The American people own the oil in the Gulf of Mexico."

They also own the public airwaves.

When can we expect a bill to jack up license fees and royalties for spectrum use by mass-media entertainment conglomerates who keep claiming to serve the public interest and inform the public but pump even more commercial messages per hour in between people eating yak penises and ballroom dance-offs?

Unless Mary Sit goes crazy and runs for the hills, METRO will be launching their new weblog on Monday.

And so will I.

Escape Pod lays down the gauntlet.

Mark my words: victory shall be mine.

I've been blogging for five years.

I am proud to have demonstrated once and for all through consistently stale content and insignificant traffic in both web and audio content that there is no such thing as a good five-year plan.

Not that I'm a Communist or French Socialist or anything like that.

When these anniversaries roll around, I like to go back and look at a list of the projects I've started, remembering which ones I've kept doing and which ones I started and then quickly abandoned for some reason or another.

It's been over a month, and I still find myself glancing over at that chair.

No time to wax nostalgic now.

There's a podcast to produce.

What is it that I always get rejection notices after being pre-selected, but this cat didn't have any problems?

An Australian bank has apologized for issuing a credit card to a cat after its owner decided to test the bank's identity security system.

The Bank of Queensland issued a credit card to Messiah the cat when his owner Katherine Campbell applied for a secondary card on her account under its name.

"I just couldn't believe it. People need to be aware of this and banks need to have better security," Campbell told local media on Thursday.

What would be the first thing your cat bought if they had a credit card?

We got a whole set of stuffed birdies for Nardo to play with, but...

Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby.

I didn't want to tell y'all, but Bañosolo died a while back.

Yeah, it was tragic. He was killed trying to keep a portapottie from being tipped over by an angry mob.

As they dragged him through the streets, he cried out that he would be a... martyr.

Things were sad for a while.

Then... sightings... and strange happenings at portapotties throughout the city.

Wait. Hey, what's that up on the top of the new church they're building Downtown?

Is that...

Surgery on a bloody asshole.

Scorecard:
Pakistan: 1
Texas: 1
Yemen: 1

We're number six!

Woohoo!

First off, before you read any more, nobody's dead this morning that wasn't dead yesterday.

That said, it was not an easy night last night.

Around 19:30, I noticed that Nardo was acting a bit odd.

I have a sense for the odd, I guess, but I'm extra-sensitive with the cats.

Anyway, after their Fancy Feast dinner at 19:00, Frisky was extra-playful while Nardo got overly groggy.

He then retired to underneath the stacked-up barstool chairs in the bedroom.

Nardo never naps there. He always gets on the bed for a nap in there.

Then, when I checked on him again, he got up on the bed after a double-pump jump and an airball.

He wouldn't flippykitty, either.

Yes, to me this sets off huge alarm bells. When they don't act normally, something's up.

He didn't want treats. Ignored the laser.

I went and cleaned the litterboxes... Piper was always the fastidious cover-it-upper, so Nardo's gotten a bit lazy about dusting things over.

Nothing new that day... hrm... constipated?

Nardo was insistent about not being picked up or prodded in the side. He'd lucked his side quite a bit, but there was no apparent wound.

Did he catch something from the bird, or was it a bad can of cat food?

Frisky threw up big time a bit later... not sure if it was from the food or him stressing at our worry over Nardo.

He kept coming in and chittering, which is very weird... Frisky otherwise hates the crap out of Nardo and avoids him.

So Nardo didn't want to be picked up, hugged... he was seeking out dark corners... he slowly ambled into the den and parked under the computer table while wibble-tipping his tail in a nervous manner.

We decided we'd wait-and-see, keep an eye on him.

This morning, he's a bit more chipper. Not quite running around happily, but still, he's purring and wants me to pet his head.

We'll keep an eye on him... if we haven't seen him drink or eat by noon, we'll haul him in for what I think will end up being the cat equivalent of a roto-rooter.

Is the Return of the King imminent? Someone's invented a Robotic Elvis head.

Elvis got smart.... decided our fate in a microsecond?

By the way, Elvis will be 72 tomorrow.

Oh, and "Ulysses From Graceland" debuts on Pickle Tales tomorrow, too.

(Pass the word among the Elvis fans, okay?)

I picked up four peppers at Kroger yesterday along with a whole bunch of other crap.

Okay, so I was supposed to get four: red, yellow, orange, and green.

Instead, I got: orange, yellow, orange, and green.

The red were... well... awful.

I got a bunch of jalapeños, too.

I guess that makes four peppers.