After years of practicing with Ted Rall, an I ready for Tom Toles?
Yeah, I'll give it a shot later. My first instincts:
"Not only should this solve your nailbiting problem, Mr. Smith, but I think you'll be jerking off a lot less on the subway."
"All things considered, I'd prefer you signed the bill with the pen stuck in your mouth, Mr. Cleland."
"Perhaps you should consider less extreme sports to pursue in your retirement, Phevos?"