This Blog Is Full Of Crap

Some auld acquaintances will never be forgotten.

My wife's making Sausage Rolls right now for some odd reason...

They're actually pretty good, and they're easier to make than my family's Mushroom Roll recipe.

A lot less messy, too, but I'll probably make another batch in January.

I've said it multiple times, but it bears repeating: the United Nations should implement "Eat Your Own Dog Food" policies and move all of its offices to "failed state" territories like Western Sahara, Turkish-occupied Cyrpus, and Gaza.

What's not to like about Gaza?

Valet parking for the diplomats.

Don't think of it as a funeral for a terrorist, but as Mardi Gras without all the alcohol, booze, boobs, and beads. Still the same amount of gunfire, though.

"Allahu ackbhar!" is just their way of saying "Bon Temps Roules."

The meeting-halls get plenty of fresh air and sunlight.

No more of a fixer-upper than the Secratariat in New York City, I think.

Those chairs would be mighty comfy compared to the ones the General Assembly uses now. Practically prison benches, in my opinion.

What a beautiful ocean view! Mai Tais at five!

Hey, let's hold our press conferences outdoors!

What? Kidnappings? Pshaw! They're just involuntary armed guided tours of Gaza.

Here's an advice-seeker now! Oh, wait. It's just the paper-shredder salesman.

Whoops... the French delegation is having a bit of trouble at the checkpoint. They should have come through Rafah instead. Silly French!

Don't think of it as a shattered drop-ceiling. This of it as an open-ceiling policy. Plus, how is the CIA going to hide bugs up there when you can clearly see the wiring?

The cafeteria workers don't just wear hairnets, they also cover their mouths to keep from contaminating your food. Plus, they can shoot any flies off of your food at no extra charge.

So, enjoy your stay in Gaza, United Nations...

And here I was, thinking I should quit podcasting as a New Year's Resolution.

Dave, who has an excellent weekly podcast of his own, got me hooked on The Marty Roberts Show, and I'll give the Ricky Gervais podcast a whirl for a while since he's shown such excellent taste in his selections.

Who cares what I think about a cat dialing 911 to save his pet human? It's time for a new feature of TBIFOC called Ask The Cats!

Daugherty said police received a 911 call from Rosheisen's apartment, but there was no one on the phone. Police called back to make sure everything was OK, and when no one answered, they decided to check things out.

That's when Daugherty found Tommy next to the phone.

Rosheisen got the cat three years ago to help lower his blood pressure. He tried to train him to call 911, unsure if the training ever stuck.

The phone in the living room is always on the floor, and there are 12 small buttons — including a speed dial for 911 right above the button for the speaker phone.

"He's my hero," Rosheisen said.

What do you think about a cat dialing 911 to save his pet human?

Nardo: Thank goodness Tommy wasn't a British Shorthair or a Scottish Fold or he'd have dialed 999.	Piper: Wait for it... wait for it...
Frisky: Hello? 911? I'd like to report an emergency. There's a rabid cat in my neighborhood. Well, he's orange and he's got swirly stripes and his name is Nardo. Can you send out Animal Control to pick him up? He's really easy to catch, just make a sound like a lizard and grab him.	Rhett: 911? I can't even get room service!
Beezer: That's what I would do. Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me.	Bazel: See this table, it used to hold a lamp, pictures, bowls, stuff. We kitties knocked it all off, broke it all, chewed through the cord. Nothing survives us. You think a phone would stand a chance?
Izzy: Too much orange, page needs color - me.	What does your cat think?

Thank you, kittycats.

Does your cat have an opinion on the subject? Then send the following to askthecats (at) isfullofcrap.com:

• A photo of the cat or cats in JPEG format (If you've already submitted the photo, it will be in my gallery archive and just let me know the URL of the thumbnail photo to use again)
• Their opinion, whether it pertains to the subject or not
• (optional) Your URL

And you'll see them up here with the rest of the kittycats!

That's what they should call The Niners vs. The Texans today.

The two worst teams in the league, facing off at the end of the season to see who has a shot at the #1 draft pick.

David Carr has the most idiotic statement of all leading up to this nightmare for the announcers...

Next season, Carr could work for a new head coach for the first time since he played at Fresno State.

"There's no one I've met in this sport that I have as much respect for," Carr said of Capers. "I've met a lot of people, and as far as him being honest, straightforward and never wavering, that's impressive to me.

"It's going to be hard. For him to stay as stable as he has, that's pretty impressive. Whatever happens, he's still going to be a friend of mine, someone I greatly respect."

The man has led you through the worst record of any team in the past five seasons, David. All those wonderful and decent qualities you see in him are good in a priest but when it comes to coaches you measure success by the win-loss record.

Or maybe David Carr has 8 million new reasons to smile and babble like an idiot?

We'll see how many times he gets thrown to the turf today. Based on his pollyana attitude, I hope one of those sacks knocks some sense into him so he realizes that he's been a part of something truly, horribly dreadful in this town.

UPDATE:
Carr tosses 4 for 12, 23 yards. Gets yanked in the third.

Banks comes in. Two quick long tosses, touchdown.

Last. Game. Of. The. Season.

Did Capers even know what his backup quarterback was capable of?

I swear, the Texans need to clear out everyone from GM down to the assistant waterboy.

The 93rd Carnival of the Cats is up and running at Elms In The Yard, live from Jerusalem!

Catblogging is a global phenomenon, you know.

As for the Catmodel of the week...

It's Meep from Buzzberbee's site!

Thanks to everyone for participating this week, and don't forget to post your catblogging site in the Frappr Map and the Catblogroll.

Justfinished assembling our new iron bedframe. It's a bit lower than the old wooden bedframe, plus the fact that it's iron means that the posts no longer double as scratching posts for angry rolled-over cats.

Instead of peering over the headboard like she used to, we'll see what new Daddy-tortuing behaviors Piper adopts.

For now, she's just exploring underneath it like the cavekitty she is...

Didn't take Nardo long to get up there...

METRO had scheduled today as a Sunday schedule, updating their web site only after certain local "activists" reminded that their website needed updating.

HISD decided to turn today into a Hurricane Rita makeup day.

Did METRO change their plans to allow for regular bus service during school hours?

Nope. They posted fliers in their buses telling HISD parents that they're screwed and they had to arrange for alternative transportation. Not sure when the fliers appeared, but I saw one this morning on the 25.

Didn't see any on the 25 on the way home Friday, though.

METRO: Screwing The Community.

I was tuning into the radio this morning, trying to find something other than Bowl Game coverage and crap, but all there seemed to be was a smattering of hip-hop crap and babbling in Spanish.

Apparently, not all the Spanish is babble out there in Babylon...

San Antonio's leading Spanish-language radio station could be forced off the air or face fines over a quirky controversy juxtaposing immigrants and green limes.

A recurring segment started five years ago by KROM-Radio "Estéreo Latino" involves people calling in to report sightings of immigration agents in the city. The station's disc jockeys then alert listeners, particularly undocumented immigrants, to steer clear of the named locations.

No actual mention of federal agents is made — DJs speak of limones verdes, or "green limes," a euphemistic reference to Border Patrol agents, who traditionally don olive-green uniforms and drive green-lined SUVs.

The fact that they try to conceal their illegal activity is an admission that they're well aware that it is illegal.

So, how is this any different than a radar detector in a car?

• The radar detector doesn't broadcast over public airwaves. It receives.

• The station is licensed to serve The Public Interest and inform The Public. Illegal immigrants and non-citizens are not considered The Public in terms of ownership of the airwaves.

• The radar detector goes off, it causes the operator to slow the vehicle down and obey the law. When the radio station gives out an alert, they cause people to further break the law.

The FCC should have an Elliot Ness-type with a pickaxe and a staff photographer, and that radio station's transmitter should be the first one he busts up to serve as a reminder that the border communities have obligations to the country as a whole to enforce the laws.

Curiously enough, the Border Patrol — which maintains an eight-agent office in San Antonio — never complained. There was no public outcry to end the tongue-in-cheek segment. In fact, the reports quickly gained popularity and were even copied by at least one other station.

Whoever supervises the Border Patrol office there should be fired and have their pension revoked for failing to act on this blatant abuse of the public's airwaves and disruption of law enforcement's ability to function.

I'd also check their phone records to see if they're tipping off the station for some cash on the site. I wouldn't doubt it.

(Via Malkin)

Here's one of many reasons to call your cable operator and request that BET be removed from the lineup and substituted with a non-racist, non-hatemongering television channel in its place.

Farrakhan came down to Houston this past year and made the usual accusations and claims that rabbis were dancing at the fall of the World Trade Center towears on 9/11.

I don't know what's sicker... Farraklhan's accusations or the "Amens!" from the so-called local minority "activists" and "community leaders" in the audience.

I am not happy with the quality and focus of the mini-cam in the skycam role for the rocking chair. I looke dat demo pictures from it and forgot the number one rule of computing: Marketing glossies lie. Try it out yourself.

And it has such a nice stand, too. Pity.

I'll move the mini-cam back to the frontal shot of the rocking chair, where it might actually show something resembling a cat.

When I get the wireless camera delivered, configured, and in place I'm probably going to Bob the mini-cam. Or I may just leave the mini-cam as the fuzzy-focused frontal shot.

That's right. A fifth camera.

That Logitech Quickcam Communicate was a pretty decent steady-focus little bugger in the skycam role. But I am loathe to get two cameras of the same manufacture and model because there's no telling what insanity Windows will be inspired to engage in when it sees two identical devices registering. Not that I really mind which view goes to which filename, but some semblance of stability would be desirable.

We'll see how things go when I get the new wireless in place.

THE IFOC ENGLISH DICTIONARY
Bob (v) - Give something to Bob.

While Gaza descends further into barbarity and chaos, this is what Mahmoud Abbas is ahving the so-called security forces do:

Yup. Parade around with flags.

They'll look nice on their coffins when the civil war starts and the IDF turns Gaza into a free-fire zone.

David Carr was not sacked yesterday, but he did get benched after tossing 4 for 12 and being utterly ineffective against the second-worst team in the league.

FACT: David Carr doubles as lawn furniture

However, it looks like Dom Capers and his staff of incompetents may finally be gone.

FACT: Dom needs two men to yell "left" and "right" at him to help him walk correctly.

Look back over the past five years and you'll see that Capers and his crew had the worst record of any coaching staff in the NFL.

FACT: This happens a lot when you suck ass.

Yeah, we'll see Dom and his Band Of Moron Men pop up at Green Bay. Count on it.

The fact that it took Casserly and Bob The Billionaire THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED SEASON to figure out they needed to boot Capers and his wrecking crew should put a lot of doubt in the mind of any person who's pondering wasting their money again on season tickets.

FACT: His headset isn't plugged in.

The only excuse for holding on to Dom this long would be that nobody else wanted the job. Which is odd, since professional sports tend to have an endless merry-go-round of sub-par coaches who just bounce from team to team every few years.

By the way:

"It was emotional. It was difficult. I felt sorry for him,'' said offensive lineman Steve McKinney.

I question the compassion of a lunk who's sole contribution to the economy appears to be letting the opponent's defense blow through him like wet toilet paper 68 times to throw his ragdoll of a quarterback to the turf.

FACT: Dom's watch is set to Loser Standard Time

We should declare eminent domain over The Saints for being a dumping ground for their homeless, crazy, parolees, and perverts and let them go back with The Texans.

The Houston Saints... sounds kinda catchy, doesn't it?

I did not make my goal of 200 pounds by the end of the year.

It does not matter how close I am to that goal. It doesn't matter how, why, what momentum I've got going... I set the goal, it was attainable, and I did not do what was necessary to reach it.

I am angry at myself.
I am frustrated with myself.
But I can only blame myself.

I ordered, bought, cooked, or prepared the food. Nobody else did.
I ate the food. Nobody else did.
I didn't exercize when I should have. Nobody else did.

I made choices. They were the wrong choices. And I shall have to face those consqeuences and deal with them.

I will not make excuses. Instead, I will make it my goal to reach 200 by the end of the month.

If Gina brings home holiday candy of any sort, she can either eat it herself or she can take it into work to give to coworkers. Or I will take it into work and leave out for coworkers. Anything to keep from eating the crap.

But as I said before, I ate the food. Nobody else did. I could have stopped at any time, spat the stuff out mid-chew if I had to.

I didn't.

I will also use the calendar in the kitchen to mark when I've done my daily situps and pushups. That is, when I find the damned calendar.

I could have sworn we bought a kitchen calendar for 2006. One with kittycats.

Pardon me, but did Manolo the Shoeblogger draw today's Arab News editorial cartoon?

Mayor White is holding his second inauguration at the Houston Police Officers' Memorial today on Memorial Drive:

Memorial inbound (Allen Parkway @ Waugh Drive) will be closed to traffic at 9:55 a.m. and will reopen at approximately 11:00 a.m.. Memorial outbound will be closed at 8:00 a.m. and will reopen after the event, at approximately 12:00 p.m.

I wonder if Mayor White will be promising to solve the traffic woes of Houston in his speech while screwing them up for all the people who normally use Memorial that are coming back from holiday break?

Well, for the first time in two and a half years, I've copy-pasted a link from my list of handy links to help a customer through a problem, and a totally different link went out to them.

A bad link. A really bad link.

What's odd is that I had gotten that link sent to me through a chat, I put it in my rolling list of links to investigate when I get home, and it somehow got stuck in the copy-paste buffer when I was trying to copy-paste the good link to the customer.

Normally I double-check emails going out to customers for spelling errors or the wrong links going out. The desktop I run off of can spew out some very strange links now and then thanks to a tangle of scripts and out-of-date applications I use to speed things up, but after the adventures with METRO in the morning and a temperature, I guess I wasn't at the top of my game.

I feel really bad about this one, too, because it must have been one hell of a shock for the person to get this. All they needed was just a gentle reminder of the step-by-step, and instead they got this horribly rude shock.

Yes, it was an accident, but one that could have been easily prevented if I had just stayed alert.

I guess it's God's way of telling me that when the rest of the world is taking a holiday off, maybe I shouldn't buck the trend and just go with the flow. Or is it God's way of telling me "It's time to get another job" ?

The comments are open, God. Feel free to be a little more clear with your Signs, okay?

For those of you who are in Houston, you may want to mark your calendars for this weekend's catshow at the George R. Brown.

The Houston Cat Club's 54TH CFA CHARITY CAT SHOW

CATS AROUND THE WORLD!

**NEW** - FELINE AGILITY TRIALS**!

WHEN:
Saturday and Sunday, January 7-8, 2006

WHERE:
George R. Brown Convention Center, Hall A - 1001 Ave de las Americas, Houston, Texas 77010; (713) 853-8000

HOURS:10 to 5 Saturday; 9 to 4 Sunday

No, I won't be liveblogging it. But I will be going both days.

And what exactly is a Feline Agility Trial?

"I'm top of two boxes!"

I don't think so, Frisky.

"Perhaps you should consider a career in real estate."

It seems that everybody's on a New Year Resolution kick today, because the deli was out of salads.

I figured a tunafish sandwich wouldn't hurt. Of course, the ice cream Drumstick did, but I plan on eating light for dinner.

Last Drumstick of the year. Won't see those again for 2007.

TALLMANSVILLE, WV (IFOC) - Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas offered to send experts to assist in rescuing 13 miners trapped after an accident in the Sago Mine of West Virginia.

"We have some of the world's top experts in digging tunnels and excavations in difficult situations," said Abbas while on a fundraising tour through Persian Gulf states. "With the recent withdrawal of Zionist Occupation forces from Gaza and our regaining control of the Rafah Crossing for a free flow of goods from Egypt, many of those experts are out of work and looking for new challenges."

Current rescue efforts have failed to reach the miners, and hope is fading for their safe return to the surface after several air samples in the vicinity of the miners returned with high levels of carbon monoxide.

The poor outlook did not stop Abbas from offering, however.

"Even if the miners have been martyred, we can still ransom the bodies for additional aid from the allies of the Zionists like our brothers in Hiz b'Allah have been doing for the past few decades," said the Palestinian president.

With all the goings-on in Iran, why haven't the Board of Directors of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists set the Doomsday Clock closer than seven seconds to midnight?

Let's take a look at the last time, putting on our moonbat-colored glasses and marking the activities of a certain racist, sexist, imperialist, fat, lazy, Israel-supporting, energy-wasting, Muslim-bombing global superpower in bold:

We move the hands taking into account both negative and positive developments. The negative developments include too little progress on global nuclear disarmament; growing concerns about the security of nuclear weapons materials worldwide; the continuing U.S. preference for unilateral action rather than cooperative international diplomacy; U.S. abandonment of the Anti-Ballistic Missile (ABM) Treaty and U.S. efforts to thwart the enactment of international agreements designed to constrain proliferation of nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons; the crisis between India and Pakistan; terrorist efforts to acquire and use nuclear and biological weapons; and the growing inequality between rich and poor around the world that increases the potential for violence and war. If it were not for the positive changes highlighted later in this statement, the hands of the clock might have moved closer still.

In the explanation of their setting of the clock, the section "What it would take to turn back the clock" obtusely places the burden on the United States for each and every point in reducing the risk of nuclear doomsday. It's like Pakistan's Dr. "Mohammed Plutoniumseed" Khan, Chief Proliferator to the Islamic World, doesn't exist.

To make matters even more amusing, the cover story of their latest issue harps on... you guessed it... the United States.

I guess a bunch of mad imams running an Islamic theocracy and telling the world that they're going start up their own reactors, centrifuge their own materials, and wipe another nuclear-armed country off of the face of the earth doesn't bother the Board of Directors at all. Or maybe their Iranian correspondent is too busy working on the coutnry's nuclear weapons to file his reports....

"By the glory of Allah the Compassionate and Merciful, everything's just fine here. Oh, and can you guys send me more of those blueprints? I want to make sure that we distribute them all over the country to make sure that everyone knows how these things are built just to make absolutely sure nobody builds one by accident. Allah keep you all, kissy kissy!"

I get the distinct feeling that the Doomsday Clock is in for a big adjustment when these radiation-sick academics wake up to Reality.

Who cares what I think about the miners trapped in the Sago Mine? It's time for a new feature of TBIFOC called Ask The Cats!

What do you think about the miners trapped in the Sago Mine?

Piper: You know, ABC got some great ratings with the movie they made about the Pennsylvania miners getting rescued. Perhaps Disney blew up the mine so they could make a sequel?	Frisky: Help! I'm trapped in a tissue pile collapse! Send me Greta Von Susteren and a pile of kitty treats!
Nardo: This is the Catnip Mine. Daddy goes in here and brings out containers of catnip and the baggies of fresh-dried catnip. I think I need to learn how to mine catnip.	Mycah: I would hardly say I'm trapped in this box. Especially since it took axle grease and a shoehorn to get me in here.
What does your cat think?

Thank you, kittycats.

Does your cat have an opinion on the subject? Then send the following to askthecats (at) isfullofcrap.com:

• A photo of the cat or cats in JPEG format (If you've already submitted the photo, it will be in my gallery archive and just let me know the URL of the thumbnail photo to use again)
• Their opinion, whether it pertains to the subject or not
• (optional) Your URL

And you'll see them up here with the rest of the kittycats!

So what does the potential acquisition of Preston Wilson do for the Astros?

Wilson's mostly played Center. Sorry, but we've got a center fielder who was just a beerfart away from Rookie Of The Year.

So... Willy stays in Center? Lane stays in Right?

I guess that means Wilson can goes into... Left?

Ah... this isn't bad at all. Then Berkman moves from Left to First.

And who's currently wasting space at First... let's see...

I guess the hanicapped sticker on the bag says it's Bagwell.

Bagwell moves from First to Wherever Weak-Batted, Overpaid, Crippled First Basemen Go.

I wanted a radio headset, so now I have three sets of headsets:

• I've got the one with the cord for listening to podcasts from my workstation. I got it a year ago, and it's perfect for blocking out the rest of the office or keeping Skype from turning my home into SCREAMING FEEDBACK CENTRAL. The cord tangles beautifully. Just add meaballs and eyes, and you have the FSM.

• I've got a lightweight AM/FM radio headset to look sporty and mangle my ears. Thank God my ears aren't pierced, or I'd be sporting bloody flesh rags on either side of my head. At least nobody will mistake it for an iPod and rob me for it.

• Then there's the heavy AM/FM radio headset that makes my ears sweat. There's a hold for a cord that I still haven't gotten. Every time I think of going to Radio Shack, I snicker and say "Radio Shack" and can't stop giggling.

Despite a week of experimentation, I still can't quite get a clear signal of this man at work until it's time to head out the door and risk my life on Lee Brown's Limo Service. I can get Rome just fine on 610, but not Baker on 740.

My world is cold and lonely and without hope.

Baker's been calling the whole HPD Disaster for years. White and Chief Numbnuts and the rest of the town act like it's some big surprise, but Baker's been shrieking like Cassandra, and his warnings are just as unheeded.

Plus, from personal experience, any man that can share a station with Duncan without firing up a chainsaw and cutting off his own head in disgust is truly a Zen Master of patience and tolerance.

That's my thoughts on Chris Baker. Ask me again in five minutes after I've been to the bathroom.

It didn't take long for the Houston Astros to try to repackage their new acquisition...

The Houston Astros announced Tuesday that the club had signed outfielder Preston Wilson to a one-year deal, with options. Wilson, 31, batted .260 with 25 home runs and 90 RBIs last season, which he split between Colorado and Washington. He has hit 20 or more home runs in each of the past seven seasons, with the exception of 2004 when he played in only 58 games due to injury. In 2003, Wilson led the NL with 141 RBIs while with Colorado and was named to the All-Star team.

He used to be an RBI champ at Colorado. Big deal. There are Little Leaguers that can jack 100 runs out of the park at Coors Field.

This is like saying that Muhammad Ali was a Heavyweight Champ. The only way he'd score a knockout now is if he fell on you.

The only saving grace with this guy is that he bats right-handed. If he's still got any power in his stroke, he'd better be bankrupting Tillman with dinks into the Boxes.

So I hopped off the 102 and walked along Preston to catch the Danger Train.

Some chunk chick hops off the bus, catches up with me and the Fellow Coworker and asks where the Justice District or the Jail is.

Fellow Coworker weathervanes a general direction.

I tune down the headset radio (tuned to Chris Baker, of course) and point at one of the many stainless steel Map Monoliths along Travis.

"You can probably find it on the map there," I said as nice and sweet as I could without sounding snarky or creepy.

Chunk Chick galumps along without looking at the map.

What is it with some people? It's a freaking map right there for your use?

You want to get somewhere.
The map has the location.
Look at the map.
Figure it out.

Sure, women stop and ask for directions, but what's wrong with querying a large, non-threatening inanimate object?

Well, it looks like the Arab News is doing its usual worst in spreading their fantastic delusions about the situation in Jerusalem regarding the Palestinian Authority's illegal attempt to ignore prohibitions against electoral activity under the Oslo Accords.

That's an Arab with "Palestinian Election Campaign" written on him with a ballot box, ready to start a race. The Arab has a starter's pistol in the air, ready to fire, while the Jew/Israeli has a gun pointed at his head.

Now, the Arab News is trying to say that the Palestinians are getting ready to campaign for free and fair democratic elections while the Jews/Israelis are going to kill the candidates to prevent them from happening.

Except one thing...

Is that a Pali with an assault rifle in front of a campaign poster at a rally?

Here's a Fateh rally. Guns, guns.

I bet Pepsi's jealous.

Add to these the fact that for the past two months, gunmen and terrorists have been trashing elections offices in every single Palestinian-controlled city in the area.

Who's disrupting the elections, Arab News?

But there's another way to look at this cartoon...

The holidays are over, so Nardo's Santa and Hanukkah Beastie Bands are put away for next year.

Well, I actually took Nardo's Hanukkah collar off while I was in the bathroom and he was within grabbing distance.

He looked at the collar, batted it around a bit, and carried it out of the room in his mouth.

Then be brought it back into the bathroom, took a right turn, and jumped into the empty tub with it to play with it a bit.

Then he hopped back out, walked around with it again, and left the room once and for all.

I have no idea where that collar is right now.

Welcome to Houston, where naked men punch motorcycle cops in the face:

A number of Houston police officers responded to an incident where an officer was involved in a physical altercation with a suspect Tuesday afternoon.

The officer was initially called to a strip center at Heights Boulevard and I-10 where a man was reportedly walking around without any clothes on.

The officer arrived on scene, approached the man and ordered him to get on the ground. The suspect got down, but then got back on his feet and struck the officer in the mouth.

A wrecker driver saw the confrontation and pulled over to assist. "Guy was steadily hitting a police officer in the face and the officer had blood all over him," he said. "So I jumped out of the wrecker and pushed the guy off of the officer. He was barely conscious on his feet. That naked guy had hit him several times hard in the face."

An off-duty officer then arrived on the scene and Tasered the suspect who, according to police, appeared to be high on drugs.

A wildman gets naked and punches a motorcycle cop in the face repeatedly, and the first thing people blame is "drugs."

Whatever happened to blaming Bush for everything?

Here's the line that makes me proud of my town:

"What's amazing, there were a bunch of citizens standing around and nobody was helping the officer at all," the wrecker driver said.

Having lived in this city for eighteen years, I'm confused as to why the wrecker driver found that amazing.

I'd think they'd be placing bets or calling dibs on who got to fight the naked guy next.

UPDATE:
How many of these people standing around with their thumbs up their asses watching naked psycho beating down the motorcycle cop said back on 9/11 that they'd have done what Todd Beamer would have done on flight 93?

Welcome to Houston. "Let's roll? Nah. Let's stand around and watch."

The Orange Bowl went into triple overtime last night.

Saw my wife for a brief while between when she got home from the 6 and headed back during the fourth quarter.

Then came the first overtime.
Then came the second overtime.
Then came the third overtime.

After a game like that, sometimes I wonder if the news anchors should just toss their scripts in the air and say: "Either you're too tired to watch us or you're too wired to understand what we're about to tell you. Good night."

After a month-long break, 100 Words Or Les Nessman is back.

Yesterday's theme was about returning from a long trip. I wrote an podcasted a story about Satan coming home to Hell, but other ideas were a man returning from a long time-dilation effect space trip, a guy returning from an alternate dimension vacation, and a few others.

One that I played with that never got down to 100 words was the following story titled "Ulysses With A Sneer."

They left the gates open, and the guards all stayed home.

The mansion had never been a home. It always felt like a hideout, although the drugs sometimes made it feel like a slide under the world's microscope.

Or a prison.

"Welcome home," he muttered.

He'd been gone for almost 30 years, but his key still fit in the lock.

Maybe they switched the old lock back in the door, just for him.

He wandered around the mansion, which had become a sterile museum. Signs everywhere, saying what he'd done, where and when.

But never why.

He shrugged and left.

I was tempted to sneak it into the comments over at the 100 Words Site, but the Iron Writers (including myself) have been rather lame about posting the best stories contributed in the comments or even posting themes on a timely basis.

Oh well. At least we've got some fresh blood in Jim Parksinson. And if everything falls apart there again, at least I've managed to infect Andrew Ian Dodge with enthusiasm for writing 100 word stories as well as recording them.

I finally remembered to move the rocking chair cam to a frontal view instead of a top view last night. The stand isn't quite straight, but the view works for me...

It's nice and up-close, although I could do a better job of framing the chair to get all of the blanket-chewing monster.

I wish I could find the bloody tracking number for the new wireless Sony cam I ordered. That would help me decide when to leave work early in the afternoon to head off the package in the apartment office before they close.

(Via Michelle Malkin)

My thoughts on the Dead Miner Story probably don't amount to a hill of beans, but here it is:

Over four years ago, we witnessed the collapse of the integrity of the entire American broadcast news industry when Florida was alternatingly called for George Bush and Al Gore before the country was chained to and dragged behind a full-speed rollercoaster of ignorant journalistic speculation, so-called expert opinions yanked from liberal and conservative news director rolodexes, and rabid activists whoring for camera time.

Today, the techology for bringing unfolding tragedies to you live and uninterrupted has gotten better, more reliable, and cheaper. But we are discovering that instead of being better-informed with this additional flood of live-and-in-your-face information, discussed and debated over and over by shouting blowhards in side-by-side frames on the screen, we are actually being misinformed in a more efficient fashion.

All we're getting is some dork in a suit or dress with lots of makeup, holding up a microphone, holding an IFB in their ear, and passing along the unconfirmed and uninvestigated rumors they've picked up in between trips to the satellite truck to fix their makeup.

Welcome to the Age of the Global Misinformation Sausage Factory.

Once upon a time, they actually appeared to give a damn. They either had the sources or they admitted they didn't and busted their asses to get them.

But these days, instead of getting more meat in our hotdogs from the sausage factory that is news, we are getting more and more sawdust and filtler. And every time we get a peek into the sausage factory, such as the incidents with Jayson Blair and Judy Miller, we are revolted at the reeking conditions under which this piss-poor quality product is being manufactured, packaged, and marketed.

And yet, like the fools who wolf down the anonymous casings full of pureed pig-parts, we gulp down this infocrap without a second thought.

It doesn't matter how you want your hot-dog news: fun-style chopped up with Spaghettios like The Daily Show, fried and ripped with a smothering of mustard like on CNN, or shoved up your ass frozen with sharp ice crystals on it like Fox News. It's still the same no-meat, unhealthy, uninspected garbage all around.

When faced with something so foul and contaminated, people naturally sniff the product and can tell if it's spoiled or rotten. However, because of the splashy packaging and marketing and smothering of the lousy news product with deceitful means of making it look fresh and healthy (ie dyes, smothered with condiments, changing the expiration dates on the packages, etc.), it's getting harder and hard to tell what's real and what's garbage.

No wonder why people are taking a bite, looking like they're tasting something delicious, and then retching violently. All the news-makers hope at this point is that you aren't heaving your guts up into the toilet while you should be watching the commercials.

Are we doomed to crappier and crappier news product? Is there a moment when we toss the footlong back at the vendor and shout "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to eat it anymore?" Or is there ever going to be a Hebrew National, Kosher-quality hotdog kind of news product out there?

Was there ever one to begin with?

I don't know. But looking back through the AP news wires and seeing the rampant speculation, ignorant statements, cheers, groans, accusations, and finger-pointing in the aftermath of the The Miner's Dozen Incident, I'm not pleased with the further backsliding of the industry into meaningless, factless babble or the prospects for any revolutionary concept to replace it.

Especially when you see the media blaming Bush for lies, misinformation, bad reports, and feeding them poor-quality raw material to work with in the first place. When I last checked, you're supposed to inspect the meat coming in and not just dispose of it when it's bad, but report the incident as well while seeking out a good supply.

Will Pajamas Media end up being a whole new sausage factory or just act as the overworked, totally-overwhelmed sausage-factory inspectors screaming for the contaminated, corrupt production line to stop?

We'll see. Time will tell. But God help us all if enough lethal and poisonous ignorance and misinformation gets into the system that ends up making us all fatally ill.

Let's check the news in the Holy Land...

Think he's compensating for any inadequacies?

Ted Koppel, who told ABC to go to Hell after they pondered replacing Nightline with David "60% of what you say is crap" Letterman, moves to Discovery Channel to produce what he says are going to be news documentaries.

Screw that. I say let the these guys prove once and for all what the hell that thing on Ted's head is.

I say that it's a dormant Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Okay, so I've got a box of Celestial Seasonings in my huge workbag. I've been putting the tea in large cups, using the coffee machines to dispense STRONG WATER to boil it, then dumping in ice cubes to cool it down quickly.

So I get ready for my morning tea when...

The box in my bag is empty.

You'd think I'd have noticed when I used the last of the tea.

I guess I need to do what I do with my rechargeable batteries, kleenex packs, and other consumables: keep two boxes of teabags in my bag, and then when one's empty replace the spare.

METRO Light Rail hit a blind guy Downtown.

I think I prefer Google's method of celebrating World Braille Day.

But, hey, I could be wrong. So...

I didn't realize that the Palestinians held David Letterman in such high regard...

Or is this a tribute to Lauren Hutton?

It was when I read the (corrected) headlines and read that there had been a sole survivor...

They call him Mister Glass.

One of Nardo's fans is very disappointed in his being unable to keep his New Year's resolution not to steal his toys from the toy pile...

So would Islam require that his paw be cut off for theft, or would they knock out one of his teeth?

UPDATE:
Now people are stealing cats from pet stores.

HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?

"Just kidding, folks!"

Okay, okay... poor taste.

Get well, Arik.

Dear Yasser,

PS: I've just gotten a request for materials for a 21-suicide bomber salute to send off Sharon. I'm going to approve it, but nobody had better use those explosives for things like digging tunnels for sewer systems or blowing out tree stumps.

METRO will be putting warning stickers on the front of every train in Braille:

IF YOU CAN READ THIS, RUN LIKE HELL!

Of course, they'd have to peel it off and put it on the other end when the train was going the other direction...

Who cares what I think about the recent discovery of the largest prime number? It's time for a new feature of TBIFOC called Ask The Cats!

What do you think about the discovery of the largest prime number?

Piper: Who gives a crap?	Nardo: Okay, there are no lizards under the couch. Hey, can those researchers help me discover some lizards? I need lizards to hunt.
Frisky: Does the largest prime number have anything to do with the largest Prime Minister? I bet they found it by putting Ariel Sharon on a scale and adding one.	Izzy: I want a bird, just one bird.
Pixel: If they'd asked me, I could've told them that a long time ago. I'm a very studious cat, you know!	Rafe: Yeah, whatever. How about some Prime BEEF over here?
Beezer: Oooo.... is that a lizard I see?	What does your cat think?

Thank you, kittycats.

Does your cat have an opinion on the subject? Then send the following to askthecats (at) isfullofcrap.com:

• A photo of the cat or cats in JPEG format (If you've already submitted the photo, it will be in my gallery archive and just let me know the URL of the thumbnail photo to use again)
• Their opinion, whether it pertains to the subject or not
• (optional) Your URL

And you'll see them up here with the rest of the kittycats!

Don't mess with Texas.

Every so often, it's time to give someone a new name.

ME: Donnell, I am pleased to tell you that I am renaming you Hercules.
DONNELL: Woohoo!
ME: Congratulations.
HERCULES (ne DONNELL): Okay, my name is now Hercules. Take note of that guys. (pause) And ladies.

And that is how my morning is going.

Okay, so I moved the cameras around a bit and baited the scratchpad with catnip and two of Nardo's favorite toys so you can get a closeup of him grabbing them...

Of course, he ignores them, and heads for my chair.

Go figure.