This Blog Is Full Of Crap

Some more fun with the headlines...

Well, it's another busy day in Washington, DC. Especially for rich old white people that the country keeps sending there to do the country's business.

O'CONNOR: Isn't this a lovely dinner, John.
JOHN: *gurgle*
O'CONNOR: That's so cute, doing an impression of William.
JOHN: *gurgle*
O'CONNOR: It would go great with your impression of Ronnie Regan not remembering shit.
JOHN: *gurgle*

But Sandra couldn't deny it any longer. Her husband was dying from the degenerative condition of Alzheimers. Or, even worse, becoming a liberal.

ATLAS THE TITAN: Unnnngggggggghhhhhhh
COP: Oh, come on. You held up the sky for eons. You can keep this court propped up for five minutes, dammit.
ATLAS THE TITAN: Unnnngggggggghhhhhhh (Democrats) Unnnngggggggghhhhhhh
COP: Okay, maybe it's harder to keep this court propped up.

Meanwhile, behind the scenes...

BUSH: Mom?
O'CONNOR: I'm not your mother. Jesus, you really are as dumb as they say.
BUSH: Are you sure you're not my mother? She always says that.
O'CONNOR: Oh, I quit!
BUSH: Could you put that in writing? Alberto's getting sized for robes this weekend.

HARRY: ... but most of all, quit spelling my name "Hairy!"
REPORTER: Yes, Senator Rod.
(LAUGHTER)
HARRY: FUCK YOU!
REPORTER: Screw this meathead. Where's Kennedy?

REPORTER: This just in... damn, we need a lot of equipment to do this shit.
CREWMAN: Actually, all we need is the camera. The rest is to help us stay "Fair And Balanced."
REPORTER: Oh. Okay.
CREWMAN: Nah. Just kidding. Want a bong hit?
REPORTER: How much time we have before we go live?
CREWMAN: Two minutes.
REPORTER: Shut up and pass, baby!

BUSH: Wow! Peppermint sticks! Nobody ever told me that the White House was in Candyland!

KENNEDY: But I'd like to thank Sandra for her many years of service to the country. It isn't easy working with a Kennedy, you know.
REPORTER: Isn't Justice Kennedy not related to you?
KENNEDY: Hell if I know. Half the time, I don't even know who I'm sleeping with.
DODD: (you're sleeping with me, stupid!)
KENNEDY: No wonder why I've got a rash!

O'CONNOR: ... but of all the boys, Clarence was the worst. Man couldn't say "bang" and "gavel" without making faces.
REPORTER: What kind of faces, Ma'am?
O'CONNOR: Well, have you got some shoe polish I can borrow?

POLICEMAN: I'm still waiting for the Construction Worker and the Indian, okay?

BUSH: B-4
BUSH-41: Miss
BUSH: B-5
BUSH-41: Miss
BUSH: B-6
BUSH-41: Miss. When do I get my turn, son?
BUSH: When the UN Security Council allows you to defend yourself, you old pussy.
BUSH-41: Shit. I forgot. Go ahead, son.
BUSH: B-7
BUSH-41: Okay, now you got Mecca.
BUSH: Yeeeeehaw!
BUSH-41: I knew I should have asked Jeb to run instead of you.
BUSH: Fuck you. B-8...

HARRY: H-A-R-R-Y R-E-I-D!
REPORTER: Hairy Rod?
HARRY: GODDAMNIT IT! MOTHERFUCKER! SON OF A BITCH!
(LAUGHTER)
REPORTER: Harry! Harry! Harry!
HARRY: I swear, the day I get in power...

BUSH: I am nominating Representative Charles Rangel for the vacant slot in the Supreme Court, just to that the Senate can overwhelmingly vote his stupid black ass down.
REPORTER: How do you know that Representative Rangel's ass is black, sir?
BUSH: Shit, I knew I should have stopped doing that Jungle Fever thing at Condi.

CHENEY: You took him out without a leash?
ROVE: Shit.
CHENEY: Who's got a plastic bag we can gather up all the pieces in?
ROVE: I swear, I didn't know he'd head straight for a lawnmower.
CHENEY: He had a good life.
BARNEY: WOOF!
ROVE: Whoa! Barney's still alive.
CHENEY: What? Um... Condi? Condi?

DODD: You know, I'm not really sleeping with Kennedy...
REPORTER: Ah. Okay.
DODD: We just have mansex and he kicks me out of bed before going to sleep alone. I have to curl up in the laundry basket and cry myself to sleep.
REPORTER: Isn't that just like what Hillary does to Bill?
DODD: I don't know. I've never slept with Hillary.

BUSH: Left... right... left... right... left... right... shit, FDR has it so easy with that dang wheelchair, not having to remember which foot goes next all the time.

O'CONNOR: You've all been great... really... but what is this "Hasty Pudding" thing you're all talking about?
HARVARDITE: Wait... you're not Dame Edna?
O'CONNOR: No, but I'm sure I'll be knighted by the Queen when Bush tells Tony Blair to make her do it.
HARVARDITE: Aw, screw it. Now put on this joke bra.
O'CONNOR: But it clashes with my bib!